This Girl: A Novel

need you to promise that you’ll wait for me if it comes to that. We can’t let anyone know we’re together until I find out what I need to do.”
    She nods against my shirt. “I promise. I’ll wait as long as you need me to.”
    I close my eyes and rest my cheek against her head, thankful that all the times I’ve pushed her away haven’t made her lose faith in me completely.
    “This probably means we shouldn’t be standing out here like this,” I say. “You want to come to my car?”
    I don’t wait for her to answer, because I need her to come to my car with me. I’m not ready to stop kissing her yet, but I can’t keep doing it so carelessly and in public like this. I grab her hand and lead her to my car. I open the passenger door, but rather than let her get in first, I sit in the seat and pull her onto my lap, then shut the door. I pull my keys out of my pocket and reach over to crank the car so it’ll warm up. She positions herself on my lap, straddling me. I acknowledge that our position is incredibly intimate, being as though I can count the number of times we’ve kissed on one hand, but it’s the only comfortable way to make out in a car.
    I take her hands and pull them up between us, then kiss them. “I love you, Lake.”
    She smiles. “Say it again. I love hearing you say that.”
    “Good, because I love saying it. I love you.” I kiss her cheek, then her lips. “I love you,” I whisper again.
    “One more time,” she says. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve imagined hearing you say it. I’ve been hoping this whole time that whatever I was feeling wasn’t one-sided.”
    The fact that she had no idea how I felt about her makes my chest ache. “I love you, Lake. So much. I’m so sorry for putting you through everything I’ve put you through.”
    She shakes her head. “Will, you were doing the right thing. Or trying to, anyway. I get that. I just hope this is for real now, because you can’t push me away again. I can’t go through that again.”
    Her words are like a knife to my heart, but deservedly so. I don’t know what I could do or say that could convince her that I’m here. I’m staying. I chose her this time.
    Before I have the chance to convince her of that, she grabs my face and kisses me hard, causing me to groan under my breath. I slip my hands underneath her shirt and around to her back. The softness and warmth of her skin beneath my palms is a feeling I never want to forget.
    As soon as my hands meet her skin, she takes my jacket in her fists and begins tugging it off me. I lean forward, still meshed to her mouth, and struggle to free myself from the jacket. Once it’s off, I toss it behind me and place my hands back underneath her shirt.
    Touching her, kissing her, being with her . . . it feels so natural. So right.
    I move my lips to the spot on her neck that drives me crazy. She tilts her neck to the side and moans quietly. I move my hands to her waist and tighten my grip while I trail kisses along her collarbone. I slowly inch my hands up her waist until my thumbs meet her bra. I can feel her heart hammering against her chest, and it causes my own heart to try to outrace hers. As soon as I slip my right thumb underneath her bra, she pulls back, away from my lips. She gasps for air.
    I immediately pull my hands out from underneath her shirt and place them on her shoulders, silently cursing myself for being so impatient. I push her shoulders back in order to give us space to breathe. I lean my head back against the seat and close my eyes.
    “I’m sorry.” I open my eyes and keep my head flush against the headrest. “I’m going too fast. I’m sorry. I’ve just imagined touching you so many times I feel like it’s so natural. I’m sorry.”
    She shakes her head and pulls my hands away from her shoulders, holding them together between us. “It’s okay,” she says. “We’re both going too fast. I just need a moment. But it feels right, doesn’t it? It feels so right being with you.”
    “That’s because it is right.”
    She stares at me silently, then out of nowhere, she crushes her lips to mine again. I groan and wrap my arms tightly around her, pulling her back against me. As soon as she’s pressed against my chest, I place my hands on her shoulders and push her away. As soon as she’s apart from me, I pull her back to me for another kiss. This happens several times and I keep having to remind myself to slow down. I eventually have to