This Is Where I Leave You

trouble finding new lovers - knowing you, you already have. But the older she gets, the harder it will be for her to find someone. She has so much less time than you to find the right person, and you’re wasting it for her.”
    “And why can’t I be the right person?”
    Mom smiles at him, sadly and with great tenderness. “Don’t be an ass.”
    “That’s it, I’m out of here,” Phillip says, getting to his feet.
    “I’ll come with you,” I say.
    “You’re not supposed to leave the house,” Mom says. “We’re sitting shiva.”
    “Ask Wendy about her marriage,” I say. “We’ll be back before the dust settles.”
    “Dick,” Wendy says.
    “Sorry, sis. It’s every man for himself.”
    Paul, returned from the store, steps through the living room doorway just as Phillip reaches it. “Hey, Phillip,” he says, smiles, and then punches him square in the jaw, sending him sprawling back into the room, knocking over a handful of chairs.
    “Paul!” Alice shrieks.
    “He sucker punched me before.”
    Phillip, flat on his back, props himself up on one elbow, wincing as he rubs his jaw. Tracy comes running out of her room, having heard the commotion. When she sees Phillip lying on the floor, she shakes her head in disgust and turns on her heel, disappearing back into the den. We won’t be seeing her again anytime soon.
    “If I stand up, are you going to hit me again?” Phillip says to Paul.
    “No, I’m good,” Paul says, rubbing his knuckles. He reaches over and offers Phillip his hand. Phillip takes it and Paul yanks him to his feet, and then, to everyone’s surprise, pulls Phillip into a little hug and whispers something into his ear. Phillip nods and pats the back of Paul’s head. Then he turns to me. “You coming?”
    “Unless Paul wants to hit me too.”
    “What could I do to you that the universe hasn’t already done?” Paul says.
    “Oh,” Phillip says, like he’s just remembered something. “Jen’s pregnant. It’s Judd’s.”
    Everyone in the room turns to stare at me.
    “I think I speak for everyone when I say, holy shit!” Wendy says.
    “How could you not tell me that?” Mom says.
    “Now I’m going to hit you,” I say to Phillip. He shrugs. “Every man for himself.”
    Then Alice stands up and very deliberately lets her coffee mug and saucer fall to the floor, where they shatter into pieces. She looks around at all of us as tears form in her eyes. “Unbelievable,” she says. And then, before anyone can say anything, can figure out what set her off , she turns and runs crying past us, up the stairs, and moments later we all jump as the door to my old bedroom slams shut and all the li ghts on the first floor go out.

Chapter 23
    11:45 a.m.
    I’ve never been in a Porsche before. Phillip’s rides low to the ground and I feel every seam in the road, every pebble, transmitted through the hard leather seat. The floor is strewn with plastic soda bottles and fast food wrappers, the ashtray spilling over with bent butts, and gas receipts.
    “Nice car,” I say.
    He shifts into third and guns it. “I know what you’re thinking,”
    he says.
    “What’s that?”
    “You’re thinking I’m a fuckup and Tracy’s rich, and I’m just with her because she pays my way and I get to drive cars like this.”
    “Why are you with her?”
    Phillip sighs and shakes his head. “I’ve been trying to grow up, Judd. I know I’ve kind of cemented my place as the family fuckup, but believe it or not, that’s not who I want to be. And having hit more than my share of brick walls, I figured maybe a better class of woman would be a good place to start.”
    “So you’re not using her for her money. You’re using her for her class.”
    “I’m not using her. Not any more than she’s using me. Isn’t that what love is? Two people who fulfill needs in each other?”
    I shrug. “My wife spent the last year of our marriage sleeping with my boss. Don’t ask me about love.”
    “Your pregnant wife.”
    “My pregnant wife.”
    Phillip grins. “Looks like I’ve got some competition in the family fuckup department.”
    “It appears that way.”
    “How are you dealing with that, by the way?”
    “By trying really hard not to think about it.”
    “That’s what I would do,” he says approvingly. “So, where can I drop you?”
    “What do you mean? I thought we would get lunch or something.”
    “There’s something I have to go do.”
    “Something or someone?”
    “Your faith