Touched by an Alien

to be right in the path of the one-monster stampede.
    “Tim, get ready to circle around this thing, and keep away from the Pachyderm.”
    “I knew you were going to suggest we stay close by.”
    “I did mention you had to be excited about dying to come along.”
    “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I close the doors at least?”
    The Serpent was nodding and swaying. It really liked this song. “Sure, but be careful.” I watched him get out and slam the doors and the hatch. The Serpent’s head bobbed lower, and for a moment I thought it was going for Tim, but it was just relaxing.
    He leaped back into the driver’s seat. “Clockwise or counterclockwise?”
    “No idea. Which works better to charm snakes?”
    “Your father says counterclockwise,” Gower offered.
    My dad knew everything. No wonder Mom loved him. “Thanks, Dad!” Tim and I started off and circled the Serpent counterclockwise, keeping across from each other. I could see the Pachyderm, and it was coming fast.
    “Girlfriend, are you singing along?” Reader was definitely snickering.
    I was, and so what? Maybe I was adding resonance. This was the only time I’d had to sing along, after all. “Maybe.”
    “Good voice.”
    “Why, Tim, you’re a suck-up. I like that in a team member.” The ground was shaking, and it was harder to steer.
    “We’re going to need to break off and try to help herd that thing onto the Serpent.”
    “That should be close to impossible.”
    “You can come over here and ram the Killer for a while if you’re not enjoying yourself.”
    “Incoming!” I managed to floor it, and the Pachyderm just missed me. It trampled the Serpent’s tail. This wasn’t as helpful as one could hope, since it roused the snake out of its musically induced stupor. Tim managed to draw the snake’s attention by driving erratically in front of it. Either its tail wasn’t badly hurt or the music was really powerful, because it started nodding again.
    The passenger door opened and then slammed shut. Martini was in the seat next to me. “Stop screaming.”
    “I always scream when someone gives me a heart attack. It’s my clue.” My heart was pounding. “How did you do that?”
    “Hyperspeed. Really, try to keep up.”
    “Why are you in here and not herding out there?”
    “I decided to live a little longer.” He had a point. I floored it and went after the Pachyderm. “I think it’s trying to run away from this music.”
    It might have been, but Mephistopheles was flying low in front of it, sending it back toward us. “Nice of him to help out.”
    “I doubt he cares how we all die, just that we do.” Martini shifted in the seat. “You drive like crap.”
    “From someone who can’t that’s a real insult. Why are you in my car then?”
    “I thought this was Tim’s.” That actually hurt, but I did my best not to let him know.
    “Jeff, stop being such a massive jerk.” At least Reader had my back, so to speak.
    “The intercom’s on?” Martini stabbed the button. “Why do you want everything broadcast?”
    “I wanted to talk to someone because I was alone in this stupid supervehicle and trying to help kill monsters.” I slammed on the brakes. “Get out.”
    “Drive the car.” The Pachyderm was heading back toward us.
    “Get out!”
    “Kitty, drive the damn car.”
    “How about, get the hell out and let the door slam you in the butt?”
    “KITTY!” He could really bellow. He was louder than the music.
    “You’re all Mr. Right To Die over there. What’s the problem with getting trampled? Now, get out.”
    He made a sound of total exasperation, leaned over, grabbed my head and kissed me, hard. “Drive the car,” he said quietly as he pulled away.
    “Fine.” I drove off, just in time. It was hard to keep the car under control because the ground was shaking so much. “So, was that supposed to make it all better?”
    “No. It was supposed to shock you into action.”
    “Jerk.”
    “When can we change the song? I thought hearing that Beastie Boys one over and over again was bad.”
    “When the planes with boiling water show up or when the Pachyderm tramples the Serpent’s head, whichever comes first.”
    “Never, then. Maybe I will get out. Death might be preferable.”
    I started singing along again. Loudly. It was a double win—helped relax me and drove Martini nuts. Good.
    I got around behind the Pachyderm and tried to herd it from behind. “I think we should turn the intercom back on.”
    “Fine.”