TOYL

the flat. It had been risky to call, especially while he had been standing only metres away, but he just had to hear her voice, if only for a few seconds.
    He could sense the anxiety, the desperation.
    It was all worth it.
    A double-decker rumbled past and briefly obscured the view, its sides plastered with an advertisement for the latest West End musical. He took one last look at the flat before heading for the tube, making his way towards the hospital.

6

    Will sat down on the grass, closing his eyes and letting the warmth from the powerful sun bathe his face. A gentle breeze wafted his shirt and amongst the shouts and laughter of fellow visitors he could hear birdsong. In any normal situation this would feel like heaven. He had been wandering around a bustling, vibrant Regent’s Park for more than an hour, already completing a couple of circuits. He knew what had brought him here – this place harked back to happier times. It was the place his parents used to take him to, when he and Emma were children – he’d seen the photos, with the four of them sprawled out on a picnic blanket, surrounded by treats.
    Even Dad had looked happy in those days.
    He lay there for a few minutes, watching the brightness of the underside of his eyelids. But he couldn’t just shut out the world and its problems – especially when the problem was internal. He opened his eyes and scanned the park. The sun had really brought out the crowds, especially the families. It was a huge playground, with kids running around, playing football and chase. He focussed on a small boy who was trying to launch a kite, but there really wasn’t enough wind, and the kite kept crashing down and bouncing along the ground. As he watched the boy pick up the kite to try again, he saw him, sitting on the grass, looking in his direction. The hairs on the back of Will’s neck bristled, and his pulse quickened.
    ‘It can’t be,’ he mouthed.
    He stared across at the figure, which still seemed to be staring back. But it was just too far away to make out the man’s face, and the sun distorted the view somewhat. Will’s first reaction was to turn and run, or at the very least pretend he hadn’t noticed the attention. But then he was overcome by anger. Anger at what had happened to Richard, and to Emma.
    He stood up and began striding towards the man, dodging kids as they weaved across his path. His heart rate picked up rapidly.
    By the time he reached the man, the guy had his back to him, sitting on the grass, leaning on his hands.
    ‘What the hell are you doing here?’ Will demanded. ‘Are you following me?’
    And then the man turned.
    ‘Excuse me?’ He looked puzzled, shielding his eyes against the sun. ‘Do I know you?’
    It wasn’t him.
    ‘Oh, I’m so sorry,’ said Will, holding up his hands and stepping back a couple of paces. ‘I thought you were a friend,’ he said, trying to explain.
    ‘Right…’ said the man warily. ‘That’s fine. Don’t worry about it.’
    ‘Sorry,’ Will said again, turning and pacing away in the opposite direction.
    ‘What the hell am I doing?’ he muttered to himself as he walked away, his face flushed with embarrassment.
    He only stopped walking once he had put enough distance between himself and the man – there was no way he wanted to run into him again. He leant against a wall and put a hand to his head.
    Why did this have to happen?
    He thought back to how the man had looked at him. Like he was some kind of maniac, ready to pull out a knife and attack him.
    My God, he was really cracking up.
    Then his thoughts turned to Emma and not for the first time he felt intense, painful shame. She thought he was the perfect brother, the one who had supported her through everything. And he had revelled in playing that part.
    ‘You’re a bloody impostor,’ he shouted, just as a family with two young toddlers walked around the corner. The father shot him a reprimanding glance.
    ‘Come on kids,’ he said, shepherding them away from Will. ‘Let’s go over to the zoo.’
    ‘Yes, Daddy!’ the little girl shouted excitedly, tugging at her father’s trousers. ‘Can we see the monkeys?’
    ‘Sure we can,’ he said, ruffling her hair.
    ‘Yes!’ she said, jumping up and down on the spot. ‘I love monkeys!’
    Will watched them as they walked away, the two children leading from the front, unable to curb their enthusiasm. The man and woman held hands just behind. Faced with a scene of such love, Will