TOYL

it. I don’t like it at all. I think you should just steer well clear of the guy. Just get on with this great film opportunity. You can’t be in the right mental state to go meeting ex-boyfriends.’
    ‘Maybe it’s just what I do need.’
    ‘What do you mean?’
    ‘Well, I never got an explanation of why Stuart left me. Okay, I assume it was because he couldn’t settle in London, and that maybe he was jealous I was finding work when he couldn’t. But I never found out for sure. He didn’t tell me where he was going, and I never called him. So I was just dumped, without knowing what went wrong. And now it’s happened again, with Dan. I thought we were in love, and then he just disappears. I know it’s more complicated, with Richard, but essentially the same thing has happened to me again. I’m not able to ask Dan why he left, but now I’ve got a chance to ask Stuart.’
    ‘But Em, Stuart isn’t Dan,’ Lizzy counselled. ‘You’re not going to find out why Dan left by talking to Stuart.’
    ‘I know, but, maybe he could tell me something.’
    ‘Come here,’ Lizzy said, putting her arms around Emma. ‘You’re a wonderful person, Em. Don’t you dare start thinking that this is your fault. I won’t let you.’
    ‘I’m sorry, Lizzy.’ Emma spoke into her shoulder. ‘I have to meet with him. I can’t take this part until I do – it wouldn’t feel right. I promise I won’t start raking over old ground.’
    Lizzy squeezed her tightly. ‘Whatever you do, Em, I’ll support you one hundred percent.’

    ***

    The next day Emma took an early-morning tube, resting her head against the window and stifling yawns. It had been a restless night, her mind buzzing with thoughts of whether she should meet Stuart. Would it be a potential disaster? After all, Lizzy was right; she wasn’t in the best frame of mind for meeting ex-partners. And it seemed especially unwise under the circumstances to meet someone with whom she had invested so much love in the past. She would have given the same advice as Lizzy if she had been in her position: steer clear. But she would also have offered her the same support her good friend had offered her, irrespective of what she decided.
    Guy Roberts had reluctantly given her Stuart’s telephone number and home address. He was living just south of the river. Emma thought it ironic that the man who she thought had hated London so much had chosen to stay in the capital after their break-up. Maybe there had been something else wrong in their relationship.
    She was surprised when she reached the address. She hadn’t really known what to expect, but this stained concrete tower block certainly wasn’t it. It was the kind of place that, under normal circumstances, she wouldn’t have dreamt of going into. She hadn’t asked Guy what Stuart was doing these days, but it couldn’t have been that much if this was the best he could get.
    She pressed the buzzer for his flat and waited. She had decided not to call him, and instead just turn up. If he was in, fine; if not, then maybe that would be a sign that she should leave well alone.
    ‘Hello?’ a voice said, unmistakably Stuart’s. It brought the memories flooding back, although they felt somehow distant, as if she was remembering someone else’s life, or was watching it up on the big screen.
    ‘Hi, Stuart,’ she said, her voice cracking with nerves.
    There was silence.
    ‘Sally, is that you?’ he said.
    ‘It’s Emma,’ she said, thinking that Sally was probably his current girlfriend. ‘Emma Holden.’
    More silence.
    ‘I’ll be straight down,’ he said.

33

    ‘It’s just a temporary place,’ he said, gesturing towards the tower block. ‘Mostly it’s student accommodation, but it’ll do for now.’
    Emma took in the sight of Stuart Harris. He had changed quite a bit in the years since she had last seen him. He’d lost some weight, and cut his hair short. He was still, however, essentially the man she had first fallen in love with. She felt both guilty and weak in the knowledge that her heart was fluttering and she was still very much attracted to him, even after all that he had done.
    ‘It looks okay,’ she said, participating in the idle chatter while wondering where Stuart planned to take her.
    ‘I’m hoping to move soon,’ he said. ‘It can get a bit noisy. You know what students are like.’
    He smiled nervously as he met Emma’s gaze.
    ‘Err, I thought we could go to the café down the road,’