TOYL

over and wrap his arms around her, pull her close and tell her everything was going to be okay. She looked so vulnerable, tears flowing down her cheeks, and knowing that he couldn’t protect her from the pain made him feel sick inside. He was the one who should be comforting her, not that backstabbing brother of hers. But he knew that now wasn’t the right time. Things had to be planned carefully – they couldn’t be rushed.
    He moved into the kitchen, taking the small knife from the block, and then headed for the bathroom, stepping over piles of old newspapers and stray pizza boxes. He needed a release from the pain.
    He peeled back his shirtsleeve, right up to the shoulder, and stood in front of the mirror.
    How had it come to this?
    As he tensed his arm in readiness for the cut he thought back to all he had seen.
    ‘Don’t worry, Em,’ he said to his own reflection, the blade of the knife glistening under the bathroom light. ‘Everything is going to be okay.’

    ***

    ‘Will, where’ve you been?’ Emma said, as her brother appeared from around the corner. He looked even more exhausted than before he left.
    ‘I went for a walk.’ Will slumped into the seat with a thud. ‘I didn’t plan to, but I just ended up walking off down the road. Before I knew it, I was up near Euston Station. You know, I never realised just how many really strange people there are around the streets of London – maybe I’m just on edge, but it didn’t feel safe out there. If it wasn’t a homeless guy it was a potential drug dealer or gangster. Then on the way back I nearly walked under a bus – think I was in some kind of trance.’
    ‘You do look pretty rough,’ Lizzy commented.
    ‘Thanks,’ he said, deadpan, staring at the ceiling. ‘I feel worse.’
    ‘Have you been smoking?’ Emma asked, sniffing the air.
    Will put his hands up in the air. ‘Busted. I only had the one though – I succumbed to temptation but then threw the rest of the packet in the bin. Promise.’ He did a mock Cub Scout salute of honour.
    ‘You got hold of the others okay?’ Emma said, letting the cigarette issue drop. Will didn’t have to justify anything to her, and the dangers of smoking were the least of their worries at the moment.
    ‘Yeah,’ he replied, looking up at the ceiling tiles. ‘It took me a while to get any sense out of them – both groups are pretty drunk. They thought it was all a big wind-up at first. Sorry, Em, but I ended up having to tell them the truth. Well, as much as we know, anyway.’
    ‘That’s okay,’ Emma replied. ‘They had to find out sometime.’
    ‘It certainly burst their balloon. They wanted to come to the hospital, but I told them there are enough drunks here already in A&E. Now everyone’s going home.’
    ‘You did the best thing,’ Emma said. ‘We can keep them up-to-date with what’s happening from here.’
    ‘No news about Richard, then?’ Will rubbed his eyes as if he was trying to scoop out his eyeballs.
    ‘There is,’ Emma replied. ‘The doctor came along before. He’s alive, but he’s in a coma.’
    ‘Shit.’ Will shook his head. ‘Is he going to be okay?’
    ‘They said they’re still doing tests and won’t know how bad it is for a while yet. The doctor said something about a bleed on the brain.’
    ‘Bloody hell. You know, even though it didn’t look good, I thought he was going to be all right. I thought we might have done enough.’
    ‘We might have done,’ Lizzy said. ‘The doctor said there was every chance.’
    ‘I hope so,’ Will said, ‘I really do. I assume you haven’t heard from Dan yet?’
    Emma shook her head.
    ‘Come here, sis.’ Will put an arm around her and pulled her close. ‘No matter what happens, we’ll be here for you.’
    ‘Like last time,’ Emma muttered.
    ‘Yeah,’ he said, ‘like last time.’

    ***

    ‘Emma, wake up,’ Lizzy said. ‘Richard’s back.’
    Emma opened her eyes and it took a few seconds for reality to break through. She glanced around, first at Lizzy, then at the hospital reception desk opposite, where a couple of nurses were filling out forms. Realising where she was, and why, was a terrible feeling.
    ‘What time is it?’ she said, kneading at her stiff neck.
    ‘Nearly one o’clock in the morning,’ said Will, flattening down strands of hair at the back of his head – a sure sign that he, too, had been unable to stay awake.
    ‘By now we should officially be completely plastered in one of