Tribute

make some calls. Don’t rush on my account!”
    “Why does she say everything in exclamation points?” Ford asked when Vicky was out of earshot. “Is it fear? Excitement? Does she have multiple, spontaneous orgasms?”
    “Cute.”
    “Cilla, I think that pile of what may have once been clothing in that corner just moved. There may be a body in there. Possibly an army of cockroaches waiting to ambush. We should leave. And never come back.”
    “If there was a body, it would smell a lot worse than it does in here.”
    “How much worse?” he muttered. “And have you ever actually smelled a body?”
    She gave him the fish eye again. “Cockroaches may be a factor, however. If the seller had any brains, he’d have cleaned this place out, ripped up this incredibly smelly carpet. But his loss could be our gain.”
    “You’ve got to be kidding. The only thing we could gain from this place is a rampant case of typhoid. Or bubonic plague.” He kept a wary eye on the pile of rags. He wasn’t entirely sure it hadn’t moved. “Cilla, this place has no possible redeeming value.”
    “Because you don’t know where to look. Deal was, you don’t want to risk it, you don’t. But let me give you the idea first. There’s hardwood under this carpet. I checked when I went through before.”
    She walked over, crouched to pull up a loose corner. “Random-length oak, and in surprisingly good shape.”
    “Okay, it’s got a floor.”
    “And a good foundation, a nice-sized lot.”
    “That looks like a minefield. Probably booby-trapped by the atomic spiders.”
    “New sod,” she continued, undaunted, “some plantings, a pretty little deck on the back. Gut the bathroom.”
    “Wouldn’t it be more humane to bomb it?”
    “New tub, new sink, a nice ceramic tile. For a room that size, I could probably find enough of a discontinued style, neutral color. All the carpet goes. Replace the closet doors, add shelves. Redo the ceilings, paint. You’ve got a couple of nice kids’ rooms.”
    “And where would the parents sleep?” He slid his hands into his pockets rather than risk accidentally touching something. “In a hotel if they have any sense.”
    She crooked her finger. “This wall moves out fifteen feet.”
    “It does?”
    “It will and, running the width of the house, will hold the master suite, overlooking the backyard. Walk-in closet, attached bath with soaking tub and separate shower. Double sinks, granite countertop. Maybe slate tile. Have to price that out.”
    “What holds it up? Hopes and dreams?”
    “The new kitchen/great room.”
    “Oh, that.” But oddly enough, he began to see it as she did. Or as he thought she did.
    “Horrible carpet treads out, oak treads in,” she said as she started down the steps. “Replace skinny banister. Carpet goes, ceilings redone, new trim, some crown molding. New windows throughout. Gut kitchen.”
    “Thank the Lord.”
    “Half bath and laundry room here. Kitchen, dining area and family room, open floor plan, breakfast bar for the casual, family meal, all leading out through atrium doors to the nice little deck. Exterior paint in a cheerful color, replace the cracked concrete walkway with pavers, plug in some plants, a little dogwood tree. And that’s about it.”
    “Oh, well, that’s hardly anything.”
    She laughed. “It’s a lot, but it’ll be a lot. Poor, sad thing. Sixteen weeks. It could be done in twelve, but not with juggling, so I’d say sixteen. With the top offer I’d make and materials and labor, mortgage payments for, we’ll say, five months, and the market value after improvements in this neighborhood, you could see between forty and forty-five K in profit.”
    “Seriously?”
    “Oh yeah. Depending on the market when it’s done, that could be closer to sixty thousand. The neighborhood’s on an upswing.” She began ticking items off on her fingers. “Younger couples, small families moving in, prettying things up. It’s in a good school district, only about ten minutes from a shopping center. Master suites, kitchens and baths— that’s where the sales are made and you get your biggest return on your investment.”
    “Okay.”
    “No, you have to be sure. Take a little time to think about it. I’ll draw up some floor plans.”
    “No, I’m sold. Let’s go make Vicky’s day.” And get the hell out while the cockroaches and spiders have their moratorium.
    “Wait, wait. We need to let her suffer more. You’re going to steal