Tripwire

cops.”
    “Right,” he said.
    “So I’m with you on this.”
    “Let’s eat,” he said.
    He walked through to the kitchen with the pizza. She had set the table. There were two place settings, opposite each other. Plates, knives and forks, paper napkins, glasses of ice water. Like two people were resident in the apartment. He put the box on the counter and opened it up.
    “You choose,” he said.
    She was standing close behind him. He could feel her there. He could smell her perfume. He felt the flat of her hand touch his back. It burned. She left it there for a second, then she used it to move him out of the way.
    “Let’s split it,” she said.
    She balanced the box on her arm and carried it back to the table. Pulled the slices off each other while the box canted and wobbled. Shared them between the plates. He sat and sipped the water and watched her. She was slender and energetic and could make any mundane activity look like a graceful ballet. She turned away and dumped the greasy box and turned back. The dress twisted and flowed with her. She sat down. He heard the whisper of linen on skin and her foot hit his knee under the table.
    “Sorry,” she said.
    She wiped her fingers on the napkin and tossed her hair behind her shoulders and held her head at an angle for the first bite. She ate left-handed, rolling the wedge into a point, attacking it hungrily.
    “No lunch,” she said. “You told me not to leave the building.”
    She darted her tongue out and caught a thread of cheese. Smiled self-consciously as she hooked it back between her lips. They shone with the oil. She took a long drink of water. “Anchovies, my favorite. How did you know? But they make you thirsty later, don’t they? So salty.”
    Her dress was sleeveless and he could see her arms, all the way down from the little knob of bone at the top of the shoulder. They were slim and brown and narrow. Almost no muscle there at all, just tiny biceps like tendons. She was gorgeous and she took his breath away, but she was a puzzle, physically. She was tall, but she was so tiny he didn’t see how there was room for all the essential organs inside her. She was as thin as a stick, but looked vibrant and firm and strong. A puzzle. He remembered the feel of her arm around his waist, fifteen years before. Like somebody was tightening a thick rope around his middle.
    “I can’t stay here tonight,” he said.
    She looked across at him. “Why not? You got something to do, I’ll come do it, too. Like I said, I’m with you on this.”
    “No, I just can’t stay,” he said.
    “Why not?” she asked again.
    He took a deep breath and held it. Her hair was shimmering in the light.
    “It’s not appropriate that 1 should stay here,” he said.
    “But why not?”
    He shrugged, embarrassed. “Just because, Jodie. Because you’re thinking of me like a brother or an uncle or something, because of Leon, but I’m not that, am I?”
    She was staring at him.
    “I’m sorry,” he said.
    Her eyes were wide. “What?”
    “This is not right,” he said gently. “You’re not my sister or my niece. That’s just an illusion because I was close to your dad. To me, you’re a beautiful woman, and I can’t be here alone with you.”
    “Why not?” she asked again, breathless.
    “Christ, Jodie, why not? Because it’s not appropriate, that’s why not. You don’t need to hear all the details. You’re not my sister or my niece, and I can’t keep on pretending you are. It’s driving me crazy, pretending.”
    She was very still. Staring at him. Still breathless.
    “How long have you felt this way?” she asked.
    He shrugged, embarrassed again. “Always, I guess. Since I first met you. Give me a break, Jodie, you weren’t a kid. I was nearer your age than Leon’s.”
    She was silent. He held his breath, waiting for the tears. The outrage. The trauma. She was just staring at him. He was already regretting having spoken. He should have just kept his damn mouth shut. Bitten his damn lip and gotten through it. He had been through worse, although he couldn’t exactly remember where or when.
    “I’m sorry,” he said again.
    Her face was blank. Wide blue eyes, staring at him. Her elbows were on the table. The dress fabric was bunching at the front and cupping forward. He could see the strap of her bra, thin and white against the skin of her shoulder. He stared at her anguished face and closed his eyes and sighed in despair. Honesty was the best policy?