True-Life Adventure

and (B) I do not understand what the hell you’re getting at.”
    “(A),” I said, “I saw you kiss Koehler, and (B) what about Mr. A&L?”
    For a moment she didn’t speak. She just stood there looking as if I’d told her an earthquake had killed all her living relatives. Her cheeks flamed a becoming fuchsia. It was very scary. When she spoke, she spoke very slowly: “I’m going to ask you to apologize for B and explain A.” I had to admire her for that. She had paused to figure out exactly what she wanted from me and it was exactly the right thing. Reasonable as hell. Any peaceable adult would have obeyed instantly.
    I said, “Why the hell should I?”
    “Because you’re behaving like a prick and I—”
    “Who the hell are you to tell me—” The rest of her sentence stopped me:
    “I don’t really think it’s your natural state.”
    She just wasn’t taking any of the bait. There I was, ready to alienate her forever, get her to throw me out, convince her I was a madman and, when you got right down to it, a prick. I could have brooded about it for the next six months. And here Sardis wanted to be reasonable.
    Of course, none of that actually went through my mind at the time. I was too worked up, not thinking at all, just feeling. I started out feeling angry, of course, and that feeling progressed right on to angrier. But Sardis had got to me and now I just felt silly and ashamed.
    “I’m sorry,” I said, “about Mr. A&L. I don’t know why I said it.”
    “It’s okay.”
    Neither of us spoke for a minute and then Sardis did again: “If you ever speak to me like that again, I’ll detooth you.”
    “I’m sorry,” I said again.
    “What did you mean about seeing me kiss Steve Koehler?”
    “Nothing. I don’t know why I said that, either.”
    “Dammit, you didn’t just decide to go to the theater and just happen to see us come out of that hotel. You tailed us.”
    Now that I really was ashamed of. I didn’t want to admit it worth a damn. Yet it was I who had brought up the good-night kiss. I certainly seemed to want it both ways.
    “Look,” she said, “I could get my feelings hurt, but I’m trying not to. I’m reminding myself that there have been two attempts on your life and that you never saw me before yesterday and you don’t know if I’m concealing Lindsay’s whereabouts or if I helped her snatch the kid or killed her or what. You’ve got every right to be suspicious. So I’ve got an idea. Why don’t I just tell you the names of the various places I stayed in Hawaii and you can check my alibi for yourself.”
    “That wasn’t why I followed you.” I was so taken aback I had made the tactical error of blurting out the truth. I tried to recover: “You seemed pretty eager to get rid of me when I came over to the boat.”
    “I know it seemed that way. But I wanted you out of there before Koehler got there. I figure the fewer people who know you and I know each other the better. But look. You don’t have to believe me. You’ll feel better if I give you those names.”
    She was being so decent I couldn’t stand it. I said, “Blick told me he checked you out. I know your alibi’s good.”
    “I don’t understand.”
    I shrugged.
    “Well, why the hell did you follow me then?”
    “Out of plain, childish jealousy.”
    She looked amazed. And very confused, as if she were trying to decide whether I was a madman or just somebody with a couple of kinks. Apparently, she decided on the latter, as she came down unexpectedly with a fit of the giggles.
    “What’s so funny?”
    She kept on giggling. “You looked so desperate when you said that, like you thought you’d be struck dead. Didn’t you ever tell the truth before?”
    “Not if it made me look this bad.”
    She was still giggling. “It’s not so bad. I think it’s sort of flattering.”
    I seized the advantage: “I wouldn’t follow just anybody, you know.”
    She crossed the room and stood close to me. “See that you don’t. And one other thing.”
    I moved closer to her and put a hand on her shoulder. I put my mouth very close to hers. “What?” I whispered.
    “Follow me again and I’ll cut your spleen out.”
    “Kiss Koehler again and I’ll cut yours out.”
    “I was an innocent bystander. He planted one on me.” Our arms went around each other.
    “It didn’t look that way to me.”
    “Well, it was.”
    “I distinctly saw you—” I didn’t get to finish because she planted one on me. I saw