Trusted Bond

stood there and
    waited. After a few moments, one of her eyes opened. I saw her smile in
    the dark.
    ―What‘s wrong, lovebug?‖ she sighed, her voice sleepy and soft.
    ―Cold, Nana,‖ I said, pointing at her.
    She threw back the covers, and I climbed into bed next to her. She
    wrapped me in the blanket and cuddled me tight. I was so content, so
    warm, and so safe.
    ―You all right?‖
    I turned my head to look at Logan. ―Hey,‖ I said, smiling at him. ―I
    missed you so bad.‖
    He held me tight, and I was wrapped up in the down comforter,
    snuggled up into his shoulder in my bed. I sighed deeply, content. I just
    wanted his skin next to mine.
    86

    Mary Calmes

    ―Sleep, baby,‖ he said, his voice like velvet. ―I‘ve got you. Go to
    sleep.‖
    So I did.

    IT FELT like a knife that had been set on fire was shoved into my back.
    Hard kick in my back.
    Punch in my chest.
    Vicious strike in my stomach, and then there was weight straddling
    me, sitting on my groin, hands flat on my abdomen. Laurent.
    ―Your skin is the problem,‖ he told me, his voice without a trace of
    humanity. He sounded robotic. ―It‘s like it haunts me. I think I‘m going to
    cut it all off.‖
    ―Okay,‖ I said, my eyes drifting closed.
    ―Can you feel the knife?‖
    I could. I could also feel his hands closing around my throat, and
    then there was nothing again.

    MY SHOULDER was throbbing. I groaned and rolled over on my back.
    ―It‘s like if you were dead, it would be okay.‖
    ―Okay,‖ I agreed.
    ―I mean I don‘t get to go to bed with you anymore. I don‘t get to lie
    beside you and look at you naked and hold you and… I want you to be
    mine. Do you even get it? Do you…?‖ He trailed off, and I felt his hands
    on me, rolling me over on my stomach. ―Let‘s get these pants off,‖ he said
    in a strange, quiet voice.
    ―Please don‘t,‖ I pleaded, swallowing hard, trying so hard to stay
    awake.
    ―I have to, Jin. I have to be inside you.‖
    I would have begged, bargained, done anything, but my face was
    pushed down into the dirt on the floor. I couldn‘t stay conscious.

    Trusted Bond

    87

    I OPENED my eyes because I couldn‘t breathe. There was something
    heavy on my back.
    ―Get off,‖ I managed to get out.
    ―Oh, sorry,‖ he said, like everything was normal, and he shifted his
    weight so he was sitting on the small of my back instead of across my
    shoulder blades. ―Do you know what my favorite thing about being with
    you was?‖
    I had no idea.
    ―Sometimes when you were asleep in my bed, I‘d just stand there
    and watch you and I‘d think, goddamn, that‘s mine. He belongs to me….‖
    He let out a deep breath. ―I bet you have no idea what it‘s like to look at
    someone and have that feeling of ownership just hit you. To be so crazy
    about another person that they belong to you and you‘ll do anything to
    keep it that way. Have you ever felt like that?‖
    Every single time I looked at Logan Church. I would just see him
    and think that way, that breath-catching feeling of possessiveness.
    ―And then it was just over and you were gone. You took the few
    things that were yours and left. And you know what bugged me at first?‖
    he asked as he ran his hands over my bare back. ―That you left nothing
    behind. There was no toothbrush, no stray T-shirt, no shampoo, nothing
    even in the refrigerator. You just completely disappeared like you had
    never been there.‖
    I was silent.
    ―I just wanted there to be something, but there was nothing. I had no
    pictures of you, no note. I mean, one day I had everything, and the next
    you were gone. Do you even care what that did to me?‖
    I tensed because I knew his questions were always punctuated with
    violence. He didn‘t disappoint me. He got up fast, scrambling to his feet,
    and kicked me hard in the ribs. I passed out in the middle of it.

    88

    Mary Calmes

    Chapter 6

    I AWOKE to his weight on top of me. He was stretched out above me so
    that his groin was shoved against my ass. ―You said you wanted me to
    fuck you? Is that what you said?‖
    I was going to answer, but he put his hand over my mouth.
    ―Jin, baby, you‘re gonna like this. I know I will. I love looking at
    your ass, now I‘m finally gonna have it.‖
    I wasn‘t going to ask why he hadn‘t raped me when I was passed
    out, but the answer was unimportant, only the fact that I had not been
    violated. I tried to wiggle free, but his fist went hard to my left