Unbroken

back, and make him resent me?
    “You don’t mean this,” I blink through the tears.
    “I do.” He swears, “And you know I’m right. What the fuck are we going to do here, Jules? Play house in a trailer somewhere? Work shitty jobs and scrape by, until you wind up hating me for everything you gave up to be with me?”
    “It doesn’t have to be like that!” I scream.
    “God, will you stop being such a kid? This is the real fucking world!”Emerson’s whole body is clenched with tension, jaw set and furious. “You don’t get to live happily ever after. People leave, and they cheat, and they screw around and fuck you up. What makes you think I’ll be any different? I’m a fuck-up, Jules, it’s what I do. Why even bother trying when we both know it’s never going to work.”
    The black abyss I’ve been holding at bay ever since I walked in that room and found my mom finally rears up, roaring like a hurricane in my ears. I snap,
    “That’s it?” I scream, surging forwards. I shove both hands against his chest, pushing him backwards.“You’re giving up, just like that? Because it’ll be hard? Because we’ll have to work to make it together? You’re a fucking coward!”
    “Jules—“ Emerson starts, but I cut him off. My body is screaming with fury. I’ve been numb for days, but now all my anger comes blazing out.
    “Coward!” I scream again. “You like to talk about how you’re going to make something of yourself, how you’re not going to wind up like your parents. But you’re just the same as them!”
    Emerson scowls at me, terrifying. “Fuck you!”
    “What? It’s the truth, isn’t it?” I taunt him, furious. “Your dad bailed when shit got tough, and your mom cares more about shooting up than taking care of her family. She takes the easy way out, they both do, and now you’re doing the exact same thing!”
    As soon as the words leave my mouth, I know they’re a mistake. Emerson goes still, and when he speaks again, his voice is barely a whisper: frighteningly cold. “That’s what you think of me, huh? A trailer trash waste of space.”
    I gulp. “That’s not what I meant.”
    “No, I get it.” Emerson gives me a bleak, twisted smile. “I just don’t know why you didn’t say something sooner. Hell, why you even bothered sticking it out this long at all, since I’m such a worthless piece of shit.”
    “I didn’t say that!” I insist, but he won’t listen.
    “I always knew it’s what they thought of me.” Emerson tells me, his eyes black with bitterness. “This town, your parents… But I didn’t care. Because I thought you saw something different in me. You made me feel like I could be something more.”
    “I do see that!” I sob, wretched. “I love you!”
    “You keep saying that, but it doesn’t make a difference.” Emerson glares at me. “It’s not enough.”
    I gape at him, wordless, the harsh truth of what he’s saying finally crashing through me. He’s saying it’s not enough, but what he really means is, I’m not enough.
    I’m not enough for him.
    I crumble.
    “Just go!” I cry, feeling desperation sweep through me, robbing me of all my last strength. I can’t bear for him to see me like this, torn apart with devastation when he never really loved me in the end. “If you can’t do this, then go ahead and leave!” I beg, “It’s all you’re good for, isn’t it? A fucking useless quitter. So go!”
    I sink back to my knees, the sobs coursing through me, uncontrollable. It’s an empty ache like I’ve never known, the pain so sharp it’s like my chest is burning up with agony.
    “Jules,” Emerson takes a step towards me. His voice falters. “Let me take you home.”
    “No!” I scream. “I don’t need anything from you. I never want to see you again!” My voice breaks, and I crumple into a ball, shaking with a grief so black I can hardly breathe. I wish it were another panic attack—a brief spell that will pass—but I know, this won’t ever fade. This pain will be mine to carry forever.
    The knowledge I’m not enough for him to love.
    Not enough for my mom to live for.
    I’ll never be enough.
    I stay huddled there, wracked with desperate, empty sobs. Finally I hear Emerson’s footsteps walk away from me, then the engine of the truck starting. He drives away, leaving me here in the rain with my heart breaking into a million agonizing pieces. Completely alone.
    And then he’s gone.

CHAPTER TWELVE
    I surface from the