Under the Dusty Sky (Holloway Farms)

to him. I crush my mouth against his and slide my hands into his hair.
    It takes a second, but he starts to kiss me back. His full lips, his soft tongue, the heat of his breath mixing with mine. He pulls back and gulps in a mouthful of air.
    I’m breathing hard. I feel desperate. Desperate for him, for those hands that are still stuck out to the sides to know every part of me, every piece of me.
    “ Gracie,” he whispers, and I pull the sunglasses from his face. His eyes are pure conflict, but by the heaving of his chest and the lack of determination in his voice, I can tell he’s into it.
    “ Shut up.” I lean down to him again, sucking his lip into my mouth. As soon as I do, his hands are on me. Digging into my sides, sliding up my back. Suddenly, he reaches out to grab the steering wheel, and in some really weird, smooth ninja move, he has me on my back across the bench seat, his hips still between my legs but he’s bracing himself over me. I run my hands up his arms and behind his head. He lowers himself down and kisses me again. Resting on his forearm, his hand cupping my neck, he turns my head to the side and kisses my neck down to my collarbone and across my chest. I claw at his back and pull his shirt over his head. He lets me, and I toss it on top of mine on the floor.
    Ben takes my hand with his free one and laces his fingers with mine before pressing it above my head into the soft leather of the seat. He kisses my nose, both my cheeks, my chin and then my mouth. His skin is hot against mine.
    I feel everything, everywhere. There really is no other way to describe it. I’ve never felt it before. The feeling only deepens when he pushes away and looks at me. His eyes are still all conflict, but a small smile forms on one side of his mouth.
    “ Graceland, I am about to do the most honorable thing I’ve ever done in my life, but please know that there is nothing honorable happening in my head right now.”
    I run my hand down his chest, his stomach, then hook my fingers in the waist of his shorts. The muscles of his stomach shudder under my touch.
    “ Show me,” I whisper, and the smile falls from his face.
    “ I can’t.” He pushes himself up into a seated position and leans his head back against the seat.
    “ Why?” I scramble backwards feeling exposed, lying back on the seat alone. Pulling my knees to my chest, I wait for him to answer. The silence crushes the good feelings from every limb, every part, every pore of my body. I’m left with thoughts. What is he thinking? Why won’t he give me what I want when I know he wants it too? What’s wrong with me? Why do I care so much about it?
    Finally, Ben sighs.
    “ Because you’re not ready.” His head falls to the side, and he looks at me like I’m a child.
    “ Who are you to tell me what I’m ready for?” My arms cross in front of my chest. More silence, but this time I’m not thinking. I’m fuming.
    “ I can tell. You don’t know what you’re playing at.”
    “ I know perfectly well what I’m playing at. Maybe you’re not ready.” My defiant side is coming out, the one that says whatever I have to so that we don’t have to talk about me anymore.
    Something foreign flashes across his face before he reaches across the truck and pulls me onto his lap again. His hands run up my thighs and to my hips, where his fingers play along the waistline of my shorts. That charged feeling is back. The floaty, sinky, tingly, vibratey feeling, and my heart starts pumping so fast I feel faint. It's hard to breathe.
    “ Are you sure?” He slowly swipes his finger along the skin and hooks it into the waist, holding onto the button of my shorts with his thumb and index finger. His thumb makes slow circles on the metal button. I nod, but I start to shake.
    “ Tell me what you want, then.” This foreign look still controls his face. It’s a cocky look, overly confident. Not a Ben look. My mouth goes dry, and I try to swallow but I can’t.
    “ Huh?” is all I think to say. He should know what I want.
    “ Tell me what you want me to do to you.” He pops the button of my shorts open with one hand, which makes me shake harder. This is not as new for him as it is for me. “Tell me how you want it.” He bucks his hips under me just a little. Just enough so I can feel him.
    My heart starts beating faster but not in a good way. The Ben Feeling is gone, and I’m left cold. All I can concentrate on is how I’m still in the same pants as