Under the Dusty Sky (Holloway Farms)

leans against the door frame.
    “ I’ll only forgive you if you tell me what’s gotten into you. And don’t tell me there ain’t nothing wrong. And especially don’t tell me it has nothing to do with him.” She nods toward her driveway where Bentley sits in the truck and waits for me.
    The look on her face is proof that she means what she says. Everyone thinks Lacy is a push over, that’s she the quiet one that takes all my shit, but no one sees her stubbornness like I do. She’s not always as sweet as people say she is.
    I sigh and figure the best way to say it is to just say it.
    “ I want to lose it to Ben.”
    Lacy jumps like I poked her in the ribs with a cattle prod and slams the door to close us off from her family inside. She grabs my arm and hauls me around the side of the house.
    “ Jesus Christ, Graceland. That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard you say.”
    My jaw loosens and hangs open.
    “ You’re serious?” she asks and runs both her hands through her hair and clasps her fingers behind her neck, squeezing her eyes shut.
    “ Of course I’m serious. I’m not losing it to some guy from school.”
    She should know this.
    “ How ‘bout not losin’ it at all? Ya think of that ever? Plus, Dermott isn’t just a guy, Gracie, and he cares about you. All you do is hurt him. You don’t even know Ben, and yeah, he’s hot and nice and stuff, but this is sex. It’s not something to just throw away.”
    “ You threw it at Jay.” I regret it immediately but not before she slaps me. All I can do is watch the tears swell in Lacy’s eyes as my cheek stings from her hand. I reach for her just as she’s turning, and she yanks her arm away.
    “ Bear, I didn’t mean it like that,” I say, even though part of me did mean it like that.
    “ No, Gracie. Ben was right. You get your way a little too much, and I don’t want to be a part of it. What you’re doing is foolish. I want no part of it. Ben’s a nice guy, and you’re just going to hurt him like you did D. People aren’t toys, pawns in your selfish game. I’ve had it. I’ve had it with you.”
    She is outright crying now, and I’m shaking as some weird mix of anger, embarrassment, and pain cuts through me, deeper with every word. She leaves me, and I hear the door slam. The sound makes my knees give out, and I sit hard in the grass. There’s a stinging behind my eyes, and I press my hands to them, trying to hold the tears in. My breath is coming in short rasps. My arms and legs vibrate as I push myself up. Thoughts swirl through my mind mixing with her words, but I can’t make sense of them. Dermott and I have a deal. Had a deal. We talked about it. I never let him think that I’d be his girlfriend. I didn’t hurt him.
    Slowly, I make my way to the truck and see Ben’s frowning face through the windshield. The sight of him brings on a fresh new wave of tears that threaten to show themselves. I suck in a deep breath, and they fade away before I get into the truck and slam the door, buckling my seatbelt.
    “ You okay?” he asks, and I won’t look at him.
    “ Fine.”
    Out of the corner of my eye, I see him shrug and look over his shoulder to back out of the drive. My feet are up on the dash, and I rest my head on the window.
    How could she say this was stupid? What she did was stupid. She has to see Jay every day at school. Ben’s leaving. At the end of the summer, he’ll leave, and I won’t have to see him again. I won’t have to watch the feelings fade. I won’t have to watch him leave me because he’s already gone.
    All I’ll have is the memory. That’s all I want. Just the memory of him and how I feel with him and how he feels against me. I want it to be perfect, but at this moment, all I want is for it to be now.
    I see an approach a quarter mile down. It has to be now.
    “ Stop the truck.” I look at him, and shock splays across his face.
    “ What?”
    “ Stop the truck, Ben.”
    “ What’s wrong?”
    “ Stop the truck!” I practically yell at him, and he swerves and brakes, pulling into the small gravel approach.
    “ What the hell, Gracie?” His arms go out to the sides, and I take it as I opening.
    I scramble to unbuckle myself and I climb across the seat. His face is all shock as I straddle his hips and lower myself into his lap. His arms are still out as I reach down and peel his old T-Shirt off my body and toss it to the side. His mouth is hanging open as I grab the sides of his face and lean down