Under the Dusty Sky (Holloway Farms)

with that understanding gaze. I click my tongue at her, and her ears perk straight up. Rasp wiggles at my feet before squeezing himself through the bars of the fence.
    I can’t help but smile at him. Excited to run, now excited to ride. Excited to be scratched, or fetch a ball, or just sleep on his back with his legs straight up in the air, trying desperately to stay cool.
    I climb the fence and sit on the top rail. Belle snorts, and her breath blows the hair around my face. I reach out to touch that really soft spot right on the end of her nose and she closes her eyes, leaning into me. Moving against my hand, it’s as if she’s been waiting her whole life for me to touch her.
    The motion does something to me. The way she trusts me, the way she leans into me and enjoys my touch even though I barely ride her anymore. The way she loves me even though I don’t visit her as often as I should. I’ve all but left her, and she still loves me.
    I throw my arms around her thick soft neck and a sob escapes. Burying my face in Belle's mane, I don’t just cry, I full out body-shaking-if-I-let-go-of-my-horse-I’ll-fall-in-a-heap-in-the-mud, sob.
    Belle stands silently beside me. She doesn’t move or make a sound, as if she knows I need her. As if she wants me to lean on her, cry on her, wants me to know that she is still here for me when I need her. Her tail swishes once to brush the flies off or to cool herself down in the sweltering night heat.
    I pull back and hiccup a few times, trying to catch my breath. I don’t remember the last time I cried like this.
    No, that’s a lie. I do.
    The day I found my mom’s journal.
    The day I found out she never wanted me.
    I can hear the rumble of the engine long before the light of the second quad shines in my face, pulling up beside mine. It’s Asher. I’m not positive at first because both of my brothers have this muscled hunch to their shoulders from throwing footballs and crushing people against turf in their spare time.
    “ Bug?” Asher says as he makes his way to the fence.
    “ Asher. What are you doing here?”
    “ I thought someone stole the quad, but when I checked to see if you heard anything, you weren’t there. I knew this is where you’d come.”
    I quickly wipe away the remaining tears from my eyes, trying to make it look like I am just rubbing them or scratching at them.
    Asher easily scrambles onto the fence and sits next to me.
    “ Why are you wearing a dress? It’s like one in the morning?” His face screws up, and his head cocks to the side.
    My heart stutters for a second as I try to think of something to say.
    “ Better yet, why are you out here at one in the morning, in the dress or not?”
    “ I couldn’t sleep.”
    “ You know Dad’s going to kill you? That’s why I came. He had that look on like when we were kids and he’d get so mad his face would turn that red color and we’d call him—“
    “ Santa Claus, but it would just make him more mad,” I finish for him, laughing a small, weak laugh. “Well, thanks for saving me.”
    I try to hop off the fence, but Asher abruptly grabs ahold of my elbow and I turn to face him, my eyes wide.
    “ Gracie,” he starts and clears his throat. “When I went to check if Bentley heard anything, he wasn’t there, either.”
    I clasp my hands together then unclasp them. Rubbing the palms down my legs I refuse to look at my brother.
    “ And I find you here. Alone. Crying. Wearing a dress. In the middle of the night.” His eyebrows are raised when I finally get the nerve to look at him, and his expression makes my eyes well up with tears all over again. I take a deep breath to slow them, but when Asher slides closer and wraps his arms around my shoulders, I can’t hold it in. I’ve cried more in the last twenty-four hours than I have since I was ten. I’m weakening, which upsets me even more. And over a guy. It’s the Ben Feeling. That’s what’s breaking me. Pulling me apart. I need to get rid of the Ben Feeling.
    I cry into my brother’s shoulder, and he holds me tightly. We can’t move or we’ll fall off the fence, but he makes shushing noises.
    “ Did he hurt you, Gracie?”
    I pull back abruptly and shake my head. He didn’t hurt me. Yet. Admitting he likes me is like a promise of hurt, though. A promise that he’ll leave.
    “ You know I broke Jay’s arm on purpose when he screwed around with Lacy, right? I swear, I’ll accidentally swing a shovel at this guy’s head if he