Unfinished Business

Van.” He took her hand, kissed it. “Anywhere you want.”
    “Away?” Her nerves began to jump. “Why?”
    “Because I want to be alone with you, completely alone, as we’ve never had the chance to be.”
    She had to swallow. “We’re alone now.”
    He set his wine aside, then hers. “Van, I want you to marry me.”

    She couldn’t claim surprise. She had known, once he had used the word love, that marriage would follow. Neither did she feel fear, as she’d been certain she would. But she did feel confusion.
    They had talked of marriage before, when they’d been so young and marriage had seemed like such a beautiful dream. She knew better now. She knew marriage was work and commitment and a shared vision.
    “Brady, I—”
    “This isn’t the way I planned it,” he interrupted. “I’d wanted it to be very traditional—to have the ring and a nicely poetic speech. I don’t have a ring, and all I can tell you is that I love you. I always have, I always will.”
    “Brady.” She pressed his hand to her cheek. Nothing he could have said would have been more poetic. “I want to be able to say yes. I didn’t realize until just this moment how much I want that.”
    “Then say it.”
    Her eyes were wide and wet when they lifted to his. “I can’t. It’s too soon. No,” she said, before he could explode. “I know what you’re going to say. We’ve known each other almost our whole lives. It’s true. But in some ways it’s just as true that we only met a few weeks ago.”
    “There was never anyone but you,” he said slowly. “Every other woman I got close to was only a substitute. You were a ghost who haunted me everywhere I went, who faded away every time I tried to reach out and touch.”
    Nothing could have moved her or unnerved her more. “My life’s turned upside down since I came back here. I never thought I would see you again—and I thought that if I did it wouldn’t matter, that I wouldn’t feel. But it does matter, and I do feel, and that only makes it more difficult.”

    She was saying almost what he wanted to hear. Almost. “Shouldn’t that make it easier?”
    “No. I wish it did. I can’t marry you, Brady, until I look into the mirror and recognize myself.”
    “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”
    “No, you can’t.” She dragged her hands through her hair. “I barely do myself. All I know is that I can’t give you what you want. I may never be able to.”
    “We’re good together, Van.” He had to fight to keep from holding too tight. “Damn it, you know that.”
    “Yes.” She was hurting him. She could hardly bear it. “Brady, there are too many things I don’t understand about myself. Too many questions I don’t have the answers to. Please, I can’t talk about marriage, about lifetimes, until I do.”
    “My feelings aren’t going to change.”
    “I hope not.”
    He reeled himself back, slowly. “You’re not going to get away from me this time, Van. If you cut and run, I’ll come after you. If you try to sneak off, I’ll be right there.”
    Pride rose instantly to wage war with regret. “You make that sound like a threat.”
    “It is.”
    “I don’t like threats, Brady.” She tossed her hair back in a gesture as much challenge as annoyance. “You should remember I don’t tolerate them.”
    “And you should remember I make good on them.” Very deliberately, he took her by the shoulders and pulled her against him. “You belong to me, Vanessa. Sooner or later you’re going to get that through your head.”
    The thrill raced up her spine, as it always did when she saw that dangerous light in his eyes. But her chin came up. “I belong to myself first, Brady. Or I intend to. You’ll have to get that through your head. Then, maybe, we’ll have something.”
    “We have something now.” When his mouth came to hers, she tasted the anger, the frustration, and the need. “You can’t deny it.”
    “Then let it be enough.” Her eyes were as dark and intent as his. “I’m here, with you. While I am, there’s nothing and no one else.” Her arms went around him, enfolding. “Let it be enough.”
    But it wasn’t enough. Even as he rolled onto her, as his mouth fastened hungrily on hers, as his blood fired, he knew it wasn’t enough.
     
    In the morning, when she woke—alone, with his scent on sheets that were already growing cold—she was afraid it would never be.

Chapter 11
    N ice, very nice, Vanessa thought as