Unspoken

uncertainly and then began listing all the advantages of his gift. “You wanted to slim down, so here’s everything you need. If you don’t have time to go to the gym, you can work out at home, and Weight Watchers has a meeting for new members on Tuesday at Säve School. Plus you get a personal trainer for the first five times at the gym, so you’ll learn how to use the machines correctly.”
    Knutas pointed eagerly at the brochure that was attached to the gift card.
    “So you think I’m fat? That I’m not attractive anymore? Is that why you’re giving me all these things? Because you want me to be more buff?”
    Lina sat bolt upright in bed, and her voice rose to a falsetto. Startled, the children looked from one parent to the other.
    “But you’re always talking about wanting to lose weight. I just wanted to help you out.”
    “And you think this is the sort of thing that I’d want for my birthday? To be reminded how fat I am? Can’t you at least let me enjoy my day?”
    Now she was shouting and she had tears in her eyes. The children decided to leave the room.
    Knutas lost his temper.
    “What the hell is this? First you go on and on about weighing too much, and then when I give you things to help you lose a few pounds, you get mad. What the hell is that all about?”
    He stomped downstairs and started banging the breakfast dishes around. Then he shouted to Lina, “Just ignore the whole thing. I’ll take everything back. Forget all about it!”
    He called to the children, “Here’s breakfast, for anyone who wants it!”
    “And what about you? Have you ever taken a look at yourself?” Lina yelled from upstairs. “I could buy you an arm exerciser for Christmas. And maybe some Viagra—that wouldn’t hurt!”
    Knutas didn’t bother to reply. He could hear Lina still muttering angrily to herself upstairs. Sometimes he got really fed up with her hot temper.
    The children came downstairs and ate their cornflakes in silence. Knutas spilled coffee on the tablecloth, but he didn’t care. He looked at Petra and Nils. All three of them shook their heads in agreement. None of them could understand Lina’s reaction.
    “Go upstairs and talk to Mamma,” said Petra after a while. “This is her birthday, after all.”
    Knutas sighed but followed his daughter’s advice. Fifteen minutes later he had persuaded his wife that she wasn’t at all fat, that he loved her just the way she was, and that she wasn’t the slightest bit overweight. No, she wasn’t.
    She was afraid of him. It started when he discovered the cuts.
    They had done it again, in their secret place. The sexual act was a torment for her. Pain and disgust in a violent combination. It was as if she took pleasure in punishing herself. When he was done and lay next to her, gasping, he took hold of her wrist.
    “What’s this?” he said, sitting up on the sofa.
    “Nothing.”
    She pulled her hand away.
    He grabbed both of her hands and held them out.
    “Were you trying to kill yourself?”
    “No,” she said, ashamed. “I just cut myself a little.”
    “What the hell for? Are you crazy?”
    “No, it’s nothing.”
    She tried to pull her hands away, but she couldn’t.
    “Did you cut yourself just for fun?”
    “No, it’s just something that I do. I’ve done it for years. I can’t stop.”
    “Are you out of your mind!”
    “Maybe I am.”
    She tried to laugh it off, but the laugh got caught in her throat. Fear was blocking the way.
    “You can’t keep doing this—you know that, don’t you? What if someone finds out? Your mother or a teacher at school or someone else? Then they’ll start asking a lot of questions. And you might not be able to keep quiet about us. They can manipulate you and coax you into talking. They might call in a bunch of psychologists and shit!”
    His voice had gotten so loud that he was shouting. Saliva flew from his lips. He suddenly seemed dangerous, unpredictable. She drew the blanket tightly around her and watched him anxiously.
    “No one is going to notice,” she objected quietly.
    “That’s what you think. It’s just a matter of time before someone sees those cuts. I forbid you to do it again. Do you hear me?”
    He fixed his eyes on her. They were dark with anger.
    “Okay, I promise. I’ll stop.”
    He shook his head and went into the bathroom. She stayed on the sofa, unable to move as her panic grew. When he came back he had calmed down. He sat down next to her and stroked her arm.
    “You