Until I Die

energy, as well as the strength from saving Georgia, he didn’t suffer at all.”
I nodded, trying to wrap my mind around it. Even though most of the revenants’ rules for functioning sounded strange at first, they all had some sort of rational purpose behind them.
“So that’s one short-lived benefit of killing a numa. But on top of that, if the revenant hasn’t died for a while, it also alleviates that desire to die—scratching his itch, you could say.
“For one pursuing the Dark Way, killing numa on a regular, continual basis not only scratches the itch but prevents it. Completely. At least that is what Gaspard and Violette have concluded from the old texts. We don’t actually know of anyone who has tried it in recent times.”
“Why?” My voice was hollow. “Because it’s dangerous?”
“It’s not dangerous in and of itself.”
“Then why?”
“The idea itself is unappealing.” Vincent sighed deeply. He really didn’t want to talk about this. “Humans are good by nature. When we get their energy, it’s that positive power of their innate goodness that we’re infused with. Numa are evil, and so is their energy. So when we kill them, it’s the negative power of their rage that’s transferred.”
“That … evil … numa power … has been going into you?” I tried to hide the disgust in my voice. Vincent had been right to assume that the idea would freak me out. I wasn’t only freaked. I was deeply, intensely disturbed.
He nodded, quickly adding, “But it’s not like their character can rub off on me or anything. It won’t change me … make me evil or whatever. It just has these unfortunate side effects”—he touched the mottled shadow under his eyes—“but they’re not going to last. They mean my body is building up resistance.”
“Then why are you in an even more awful state this month than last?” I exploded. “If you’re building up resistance, shouldn’t it be getting better, not worse?”
“The texts say that it will work.”
“Damn the texts, Vincent.”
I rose to my feet, and Vincent followed my lead. “I have to walk,” I said, feeling like moving would disperse the storm clouds inside my head. I felt overwhelmed. And scared. And I honestly didn’t know what to think anymore.
“Let’s go to the beach,” Vincent said, and taking my hand, he led me down the hill until we were walking on the sand, the tide lapping just a short distance from our feet. I couldn’t look at his face, and kept my gaze on our feet as we walked.
“Killing numa is an honorable thing,” he said finally. “We just don’t usually hunt them down and kill them for the pure purpose of achieving the Dark Way. But only because we are programmed to save humans—that is our primary reason for being.”
I felt so cold that my teeth were chattering, but I tried to keep my voice calm. “Even if absorbing nasty”—I grimaced—“numa energy isn’t dangerous, doesn’t it worry you that all the numa in Paris are going to be after your head?”
“I pick them out when they’re on their own, and make sure that no one sees it happen. We destroy the bodies with fire, so there isn’t a trace left. As far as the numa know, their members are merely disappearing, not being slain.”
My horror was now tangible. It wasn’t just my teeth chattering—my whole body was trembling. “How long has this been going on?” I asked.
Noticing my shaking, Vincent pulled me to a stop and tried to draw me close to him, but I resisted. His forehead wrinkled in frustration. “Since just after the New Year,” he answered. “Six weeks. A few numa each week. Jean-Baptiste and Gaspard gave their approval, since they needed the surveillance work done anyway.”
“Do the others know about this?”
“One of their conditions was that I only do it while walking with the others. So, yes—Jules and Ambrose have been helping me.” Vincent looked steadily into my eyes.
“You’ve been hiding this from me because you were worried that it will change the way I think about you.” I watched him carefully.
His silence and the vulnerable look on his face confirmed my hypothesis. “So does it?” he asked.
“I’m calling this off,” I said, avoiding his question. “This is going way too far.”
“Kate, if this works, it’s our answer. I’ll be able to avoid death until …”
“Until I die,” I filled in the gap.
Vincent shook his head as if to banish the thought from his mind. “Isn’t the death of numa