Vampires Among Us [Vampires Among Us 1] (Siren Publishing Classic)

Shawn. Unbeknownst to her, he had made an agreement with his brother, Gary to share her. She shuddered at the thought. Thank goodness at the last minute Shawn had changed his mind, getting into a heated argument with his brother, and kicking him out. That was the last time she had seen that man. But that in no way helped her when her husband consummated their marriage. That was when she discovered she had married a vampire.
    She closed her eyes and willed those memories away. She wanted to start a clean life, and in order to do that she had to stop living in the past and take a chance on the future.
    The thing she felt the worst about was that Kevin didn’t even know why she didn’t want to take things to the next level. She hadn’t been completely truthful with him at all. He deserved someone who could love him and show him the same kindness and devotion he showed her every day. But would she ever be comfortable in doing so? The other side of the brain quickly butted in, reminding her of just how sweet and gentle he had been with her. He was always treating her as if she were spun glass. Deep down, when she put away the irrational thoughts and fears, she knew he would never hurt her. But still, it was easier said than done to put away years of abuse and try to move forward.
    She stood in front of the mirror. “Well, you did just agree to spend the night in his room.” She attempted to regain control of the panic attack threatening to take over her. She could do this, she would do this for him. If he wanted to have sex tonight, she would dutifully let him, silently enduring the pain. That’s what women were supposed to do, right?
    Kevin walked into his bedroom and turned both air units on full blast, then went to the closet to retrieve a stack of extra blankets to swath Erica in. He heard her approach the doorway, and the frightened doe that was standing before him, with her pillow clutched to her chest made his own chest squeeze so tight it hurt.
    The moment she spotted Kevin moving around his bedroom, and then his bed, all of her rational thoughts and earlier pep talk went out the door. Oh God, I can’t do this! Her mind screamed as she stood shaking in his doorway, unable to move forward or backward.
    Her heart was galloping like a runaway horse as she stood frozen in the doorway. Kevin glanced over his shoulder and spotted her, instantly becoming concerned as he realized her heart was galloping like a horse. It seemed to be beating uncontrollably, and he turned to approach her.
    It only took a couple of seconds to reach her, and he was greeted with tears running down her cheeks. “Kevin, I’m sorry. I don’t think I can do this,” she cried out in a tortured whisper. “I should have never agreed to this.” She knew that her backing out would probably be the end of an otherwise wonderful relationship. Truly, who would want to continue waiting around for someone who was as damaged as her? She probably should spend the week without him looking for another place to live, because if she stayed, he would just feel sorry for her.
    She glanced up into his eyes, her own overflowing with tears as she repeated, “I am so sorry, I just can’t.” Silently, she continued beating herself up for agreeing to this in the first place. She should have known better, that deep dark place in her mind kept telling her. “I’m sorry,” she repeated in a ragged voice as she shook her head, “I guess there is no hope for me, I’m broken.”
    Erica quickly turned on her heel, intending to turn tail and run to the safety of her own bedroom, but Kevin quickly snaked his arm around her waist, stopping her in her tracks. He immediately brought her up tight against his body. “Shh now, there is no need to get upset. It is okay, I promise you. I have no hidden agenda. Do you trust me?” he whispered, all the while trying to throw a peaceful atmosphere around her. As soon as he had skin contact, he invaded her thoughts to see exactly what she was panicking over. Visions of Shawn hitting her, shoving her into a wall, and yelling at her, and then him throwing her down, roughly plowing into her, no foreplay, no checking to see if she was ready, no nothing. It was nothing more than an animal rutting. All of these scenes danced around the forefront of her brain. Damn that man to hell! he cursed silently. No wonder she thinks she is broken.
    “Yes, yes, I do,” she responded as she drew in a ragged breath to his question.