What became of us

enjoy yourself?’
    ‘Not much,’ she said hastily, cupping her hands full of water and splashing it over her face, unable to look at him.
    ‘Maybe we should try to go away ourselves for a night or two. The boys are old enough, aren’t they? Your mother would come and keep an eye on them.’
    ‘When George is better?’ she said.
    ‘Of course.’
    She wouldn’t want to know if Barry had had a one-night fling, she told herself. Once it was admitted it would have to be dealt with. It would get in the way of the life of the family. It would be an act of pure selfishness to tell him. Completely irresponsible. Her affair wasn’t really an affair, she told herself.
    ‘I’d like that,’ she looked at him, trying to make her smile let him know that she was grateful.
    ‘Well,’ he said, looking at his watch, ‘if I leave now, I might get to M & S before it closes.’
    ‘M & S?’
    ‘Thomas the Tank Engine crisps...’
    ‘Oh, of course.’
    ‘Shall I get us something nice for tonight?’ he asked.
    ‘Mmm,’ she said, lying back so that the water slooshed up and down like a wave pool, ‘I fancy Chinese.’
    ‘You always do when you’ve been drinking,’ he said.
    ‘Do I?’ She never ceased to be surprised when he knew something about her that she did not. ‘How about some duck and pancakes, and, hey, what about those mascarpone cream things for dessert?’
    ‘It’s a long time since you’ve eaten dessert, little bear.’
    She wondered whether she had just given herself away...
    ‘Well, you only live once,’ she said.

Chapter 45

    ‘So where are you taking me?’ Annie asked as they turned off the A40.
    ‘The Manoir Aux Quat’ Saisons,’ Ian replied, taking his eyes off the road for a second to witness her reaction.
    ‘Oh,’ she said.
    ‘Don’t you like it?’
    ‘It’s not that... no, it’s fine, really lovely...’
    ‘What’s the problem?’ he asked, crestfallen that she was clearly not as excited by his surprise as he was.
    ‘Nothing, really,’ she smiled at him, trying belatedly to look thrilled.
    He wound the low red car expertly round the country roads.
    ‘You’ve been here before,’ he said, as he pulled into the gravel drive and switched off the ignition. Neither of them opened their door.
    ‘The last time I came here was with Penny,’ she admitted.
    ‘Oh, God I am so sorry!’
    ‘How could you have known?’ she asked.
    They sat in silence for a few moments staring through the windscreen at the hedge in front of them.
    ‘The thing is, I was completely hopeless when she was ill,’ Annie said quietly. ‘I kept making excuses not to come to see her and then finally I brought her out to lunch here and I was so nervous, I couldn’t seem to say a single sentence without the word die in it. You know... I’ve been dying to see what this place is like, the foie gras is to die for, and then the waiter was particularly snooty at the end, implying I didn’t know the difference between cognac and armagnac, so when he brought the bill I told him I’d rather die than come here again.’
    Ian let out a bark of a laugh.
    ‘Sorry,’ he said.
    ‘Actually Penny thought it was funny too,’ Annie said. ‘We decided to go for a walk round the garden afterwards, and she asked for her jacket. “I don’t want to die of cold, do I?” she said.’
    Annie kept staring forwards.
    ‘And then she couldn’t walk very far. She was clinging on to me, she was really frail. And I remember thinking, hey, this is the first time I’ve ever supported you. It’s the wrong way round.’
    Tears began to drip down her cheeks.
    ‘Hey,’ said Ian, trying to put his arms round her shoulders, but finding it difficult in the cramped interior of the car.
    ‘... I really miss her, you know, because she was the only person who understood that underneath all this loudness and confidence there’s an incredibly insecure person,’ Annie said, pulling away from him, wiping her eyes with her forearm.
    ‘I’m sure there are other people who understand,’ Ian said.
    Annie cried for several minutes, then sniffed several times.
    ‘You mean I come over as an insecure person?’ she asked. ‘Does it show that I’m a screaming bag of neuroses?’ she demanded with an alarmed look.
    ‘No, well, sort of. I think it’s a very winning combination of strength and vulnerability,’ he improvised.
    ‘Oh, you’re just saying that,’ she smiled, not believing him, but appreciating the effort.
    ‘Shall we