Where I'm Calling From

shoot you and watch you kick.
    She says, You can’t look me in the eyes, can you?
    She says, and this is exactly what she says, You can’t even look me in the eyes when I’m talking to you.
    So, okay, I look her in the eyes.
    She says, Right. Okay, she says. Now we’re getting someplace, maybe. That’s better. You can tell a lot about the person you’re talking to from his eyes. Everybody knows that. But you know something else?
    There’s nobody in this whole world who would tell you this, but I can tell you. I have the right. I earned that right, sonny. You have yourself confused with somebody else. And that’s the pure truth of it. But what do I know? they’ll say in a hundred years. They’ll say, Who was she anyway?
    She says, In any case, you sure as hell have me confused with somebody else. Hey, I don’t even have the same name anymore! Not the name I was born with, not the name I lived with you with, not even the name I had two years ago. What is this? What is this in hell all about anyway? Let me say something. I want to be left alone now. Please. That’s not a crime.
    She says, Don’t you have someplace else you should be? Some plane to catch? Shouldn’t you be somewhere far from here at this very minute?
    No, I say. I say it again: No. No place, I say. I don’t have anyplace I have to be.
    And then I do something. I reach over and take the sleeve of her blouse between my thumb and forefinger. That’s all. I just touch it that way, and then I just bring my hand back. She doesn’t draw away.
    She doesn’t move.
    Then here’s the thing I do next. I get down on my knees, a big guy like me, and I take the hem of her dress. What am I doing on the floor? I wish I could say. But I know it’s where I ought to be, and I’m there on my knees holding on to the hem of her dress.
    She is still for a minute. But in a minute she says, Hey, it’s all right, stupid. You’re so dumb, sometimes.
    Get up now. I’m telling you to get up. Listen, it’s okay. I’m over it now. It took me a while to get over it. What do you think? Did you think it wouldn’t? Then you walk in here and suddenly the whole cruddy business is back. I felt a need to ventilate. But you know, and I know, it’s over and done with now.
    She says, For the longest while, honey, I was inconsolable. Inconsolable, she says. Put that word in your little notebook. I can tell you from experience that’s the saddest word in the English language. Anyway, I got over it finally. Time is a gentleman, a wise man said. Or else maybe a worn-out old woman, one or the other anyway.
    She says, I have a life now. It’s a different kind of life than yours, but I guess we don’t need to compare.
    It’s my life, and that’s the important thing I have to realize as I get older. Don’t feel too bad, anyway, she says. I mean, it’s all right to feel a little bad, maybe. That won’t hurt you, that’s only to be expected after all. Even if you can’t move yourself to regret.
    She says, Now you have to get up and get out of here. My husband will be along pretty soon for his lunch. How would I explain this kind of thing?
    It’s crazy, but I’m still on my knees holding the hem of her dress. I won’t let it go. I’m like a terrier, and it’s like I’m stuck to the floor. It’s like I can’t move.
    She says, Get up now. What is it? You still want something from me. What do you want? Want me to forgive you? Is that why you’re doing this? That’s it, isn’t it? That’s the reason you came all this way. The knife thing kind of perked you up, too. I think you’d forgotten about that. But you needed me to remind you. Okay, I’ll say something if you’ll just go.
    She says, I forgive you.
    She says, Are you satisfied now? Is that better? Are you happy? He’s happy now, she says.
    But I’m still there, knees to the floor.
    She says, Did you hear what I said? You have to go now. Hey, stupid. Honey, I said I forgive you. And I even reminded you about the knife thing. I can’t think what else I can do now. You got it made in the shade, baby. Come on now, you have to get out of here. Get up. That’s right. You’re still a big guy, aren’t you. Here’s your hat, don’t forget your hat. You never used to wear a hat. I never in my life saw you in a hat before.
    She says, Listen to me now. Look at me. Listen carefully to what I’m going to tell you.
    She moves closer. She’s about three inches from my face. We haven’t been this close in a