White Space Season 1

folded in the pew, just three rows behind where the three remaining Hughes girls are sitting now.”
    Pastor Avery gestured again toward the Hughes girls.
    Cassidy managed to keep her torrent inside, but Vivian, never one to shy away from theatrics, erupted into a fountain of tears while Emma bawled between them. Seeing their grief, particularly the young girl’s, cut deep into Jon’s heart. He sniffed back some tears as the pastor went on about how we can’t know God’s will, but should find comfort that He has welcomed Sarah to the Kingdom of Heaven.
    Though Jon would normally roll his eyes at such a thought, he found an odd sense of comfort in the old man’s words.
    Pastor Avery then invited mourners to approach the front of the church one by one to give their farewells. Jon sat silently, heart racing, as Sarah’s co-workers, friends, and family spoke of her in loving memory. Hearing their words made Jon sad that he’d missed out on so much of Sarah’s life. It also made him wonder who would speak at his funeral. He had few people he could call friends. And the closest thing he’d ever had to love was now in a casket.
    He wondered if he should step forward to give a few words. Given their history, he feared that to not say anything would be an insult. At the same time, he didn’t want this to become about him. If he went up to speak, someone in the audience might shoot video on their iPhone and it would be on YouTube or TMZ within the hour. That was the last thing Sarah’s family needed. The last thing any of the mourning families needed.
    Jon stayed put, though he wasn’t sure if his gesture was kindness or cowardice. When it came right to it, he couldn’t bear to go anywhere near the urn holding Sarah’s remains. It was all he could do to look at the silver jar from the back of the church, where it was merely a shape.

    * *

    The memorial ended, and Jon did his best to blend in with the herd, which was nearly impossible with the dozens of eyes pretending not to stare. He shuffled behind the mourners, slowly drifting toward the hors d’oeuvres, waiting for the crowd to finish consoling Cassidy, as his heart filled, then broke with every fleeting glimpse of the small girl trembling by her side.
    Emma looked lost, waiting for a mother that would never return.
    Jon ate his cold cucumber sandwich and sipped the cheap coffee, hating his family for not donating something better, and watching the Hughes family from the corner of his eye.
    Cassidy was bookended between Russ Haskell and Mitch Kilborn, two jocks he’d gone to school with. Time had been less kind to them, each of them looking at least a decade older than they were, especially with the premature silver flocking the tips of Mitch’s bangs and sideburns.
    Emma had ducked from under Cassidy’s arm, then slipped away from her aunt and grandmother. She made a beeline for the dessert table and was stuffing an assortment of cookies into her purse, starting at the far side of the dessert table and gradually making her way to the right, focusing only on the smaller cookies, apparently going with quantity over quality.
    Emma looked almost exactly the same as her mother at age nine. Another ghost which tore at Jon’s heart.
    She looked so sad, and almost angelic in her innocence. He laughed as Emma stuffed cookies into her tiny purple purse, and thought of the way he often couldn’t help but shove matchbooks, mints, or toothpicks into his pocket, whenever he was leaving a restaurant, whether he’d ever use them or not. Jon wondered where the girl’s father was, or if she even knew who her father was.
    Sarah had gotten pregnant after she broke up with Jon, the result of a fling she had to supposedly “get over him.”
    It had been almost 10 years ago when he’d made the biggest mistake of his life. He was on the set of his first movie, when he got drunk and slept with a model. It was the first time he’d ever been unfaithful to Sarah, who had, to that point, been the only girl he’d even gone out with. He confessed what he did. At first, he thought they’d get past it. She said she’d forgiven him. Then a week later, she called him, while he was back on the set, and said she couldn’t do this anymore. She couldn’t stop thinking of his betrayal. It was over.
    He tried to make things right, but she refused to take his calls, refused to see him, and even ignored emails and letters he sent to her via verified mail. About five weeks after they