Wilmington, NC 05 - Murder On The ICW

point I realized that my need for him was as great as his was for me.

4

    I wiped away my tears and drove out of the historic district, got back on Oleander and headed for the beach. I had to think, to get a grip on my emotions. Face facts. My husband was leaving me.
    Husband? Had Nick ever really been a husband to me? He used our home like a hotel, came and went like he was a hotel guest. He'd never treated our home as if it was the center of our life together, but a base from which he could make frequent trips. Work always came first. Even before we were married, while we were dating and falling in love, he had accepted a position heading up Atlanta PD's cold case task force, effectively ending our relationship until he'd been offered a better position as Homeland Security liaison officer back here in Wilmington.
    Work. It was always work . Work had brought him back to Wilmington, not me. But he loved me, I had been sure of that. We married. He traveled and I remained at home, waiting for his return, working with Jon on old house restorations.
    During the summer Nick had been on assignment with the CIA. I had not been able to reach him to tell him that I was expecting our first child, or that my mother had died. He'd been out of the country, on assignment in Baghdad -- something I'd known nothing about -- he had told me belatedly. That was what he'd admitted to me in my hospital room the day after I'd lost our baby.
    Now, I thought, tears blurring my vision again, I didn't have our baby to love, and I'd lost Nick too.
    I took a deep breath. I had expected more from him. Honor, for one thing. Fidelity, for another.
    My temper flared, a hot flame that burned bright and made my chest hurt. I had to get a grip on myself. Okay, I told myself, so he doesn't want me. Am I the kind of woman who wants a man who does not want her? No way. I'm better than that. I deserve better treatment than that, much better! I want a man who considers himself lucky to have me in his life. And was that man Jon?
    I turned onto Eastwood Road, and drove past Lumina Station, its architectural style a replica of the original Lumina Pavilion. There were shady trees, fountains, and white rockers. The familiar landmark helped to ground me. I knew every shop and restaurant in that shopping center.
    Am I going to start acting like Melanie, I asked myself, heartsick over Joey Fielding who won't give her the time of day?
    No, I had a life, doggone it! And a man, a real man, a good man, in love with me. Now I was running to him.
    "I'm driving to Jon, Nick," I said out loud. "I've got the wind at my back and I'm speeding to him. Ha! I'll show you!"
    Instantly, I felt guilty. Jon didn't deserve to be treated like a runner-up in a beauty pageant. He deserved a woman who put him first.
    I'd been sailing along when all of a sudden I hit a wall of traffic and stopped just in time to avoid rear-ending the car in front of me. The drawbridge over the waterway must be up, I thought. But craning my neck, I could not see the raised ramp nor the masts of tall ships passing through. So the bridge was not up.
    And traffic was moving, but only by inches. Perhaps an accident? Something had brought traffic to a snail's pace.
    I'd been thinking about sparing Jon but had to acknowledge that nothing would make Jon happier than to have me fly to his arms. And how did I feel about him? Honestly. Being married, I'd never let myself think about having feelings for him that were greater than friendship.
    He was my best friend. I'd always heard that those kind of relationships made the best marriages. To marry your best friend, how comfortable that must feel.
    On one level I did love Jon. But we had never had the boy/girl thing between us. What would that be like? I asked myself.
    I visualized Jon's handsome face, his golden blonde hair. In my mind's eye he was walking toward me and I admired his broad shoulders and trim waistline, his long legs. A sexy man. I recalled how his face lit up when he saw me. Then felt a rush of excitement at the prospect of responding to that joy.
    So, there was chemistry between us. And I'd been suppressing it out of loyalty to Nick and faithfulness to my wedding vows.
    I realized something else too. Every time Jon met a girl he liked and started dating, my initial reaction had been jealousy, which I had always quickly talked myself out of.
    I inched the van forward but the line of traffic was making little progress. Glancing in my rearview mirror,