Witches Abroad

gaze to Ella’s pale face, “you’d better bring in those naughty men who let themselves get so drunk. That’s not respectful. And if you haven’t got respect, you haven’t got anything.”
    The clicking of the wand was the only sound in the kitchen.

    Nanny Ogg poked at the tall drink in front of her.
    “Beats me why they puts an umbrella in it,” she said, sucking the cocktail cherry off the stick. “I mean, do they want to stop it getting wet or something?”
    She grinned at Magrat and Granny, who were both staring gloomily at the passing celebrations.
    “Cheer up,” she said. “Never seen such a pair of long faces in all my puff.”
    “That’s neat rum you’re drinking,” said Magrat.
    “You’re telling me,” said Nanny, taking a swig. “Cheers!”
    “It was too easy,” said Granny Weatherwax.
    “It was only easy ’cos we done it,” said Nanny. “You want something done, we’re the girls to do it, eh? You show me anyone else who could have nipped in there and done all that in the nick of time, eh? Especially the coach bit.”
    “It doesn’t make a good story,” said Granny.
    “Oh, bugger stories,” said Nanny loftily. “You can always change a story.”
    “Only at the right places,” said Granny. “Anyway, maybe they could get her a new dress and horses and a coach and everything.”
    “Where? When?” said Nanny. “It’s a holiday. And there’s no time , anyway. They’ll be starting the ball at any moment.”
    Granny Weatherwax’s fingers drummed on the edge of the café table.
    Nanny sighed.
    “Now what?” she said.
    “It doesn’t happen like this,” said Granny.
    “Listen, Esme, the only kind of magic that’d work right now is wand magic. And Magrat’s got the wand.” Nanny nodded at Magrat. “Ain’t that so, Magrat?”
    “Um,” said Magrat.
    “Not lost it, have you?”
    “No, but—”
    “There you are, then.”
    “Only…um…Ella said she’d got two godmothers…”
    Granny Weatherwax’s hand thumped down on the table. Nanny’s drink flew into the air and overturned.
    “That’s right !” roared Granny.
    “That was nearly full. That was a nearly full drink,” said Nanny reproachfully.
    “Come on!”
    “Best part of a whole glass of—”
    “Gytha!”
    “Did I say I wasn’t coming? I was just pointing out—”
    “ Now! ”
    “Can I just ask the man to get me ano—”
    “ Gytha! ”

    The witches were halfway up the street when a coach rattled out of the driveway and trundled away.
    “That can’t be it!” said Magrat. “We got rid of it!”
    “We ort to have chopped it up,” said Nanny. “There’s good eating on a pumpk—”
    “They’ve got us,” said Granny, slowing down to a stop.
    “Can’t you get into the minds of the horses?” said Magrat.
    The witches concentrated.
    “They ain’t horses,” said Nanny. “They feel like…”
    “Rats turned into horses,” said Granny, who was even better at getting into people’s minds than she was at getting under their skins. “They feel like that poor old wolf. Minds like a firework display.” She winced at the taste of them in her own head.
    “I bet,” said Granny, thoughtfully, as the coach skidded around the corner, “I bet I could make the wheels fall right off.”
    “That’s not the way,” said Magrat. “Anyway, Ella’s in there!”
    “There may be another way,” said Nanny. “I know someone who could get inside them minds right enough.”
    “Who?” said Magrat.
    “Well, we’ve still got our brooms,” said Nanny. “It should be easy to overtake it, right?”

    The witches landed in an alleyway a few minutes ahead of the coach.
    “I don’t hold with this,” said Granny. “It’s the sort of thing Lily does. You can’t expect me to like this. Think of that wolf!”
    Nanny lifted Greebo out of his nest among the bristles.
    “But Greebo’s nearly human anyway,” she said.
    “Hah!”
    “And it’ll only be temp’ry, even with the three of us doing it,” she said. “Anyway, it’ll be int’resting to see if it works.”
    “Yes, but it’s wrong ,” said Granny.
    “Not for these parts, it seems,” said Nanny.
    “Besides,” said Magrat virtuously, “it can’t be bad if we’re doing it. We’re the good ones.”
    “Oh yes, so we is,” said Granny, “and there was me forgetting it for a minute there.”
    Nanny stood back. Greebo, aware that something was expected of him, sat up.
    “You must admit we can’t think of anything better,