Witches Abroad

said Nanny Ogg. “I never would have thought of that.”
    On the floor was a large orange pumpkin.
    “It was nothing,” said Magrat, risking a touch of pride.
    “Hah! That’s one coach that’ll never roll again,” said Nanny.
    “Hey…can you do that to the horses too?” said Granny.
    Magrat shook her head. “Um, I think that would be very cruel.”
    “You’re right. You’re right,” said Granny. “No excuse for cruelty to dumb animals.”
    The two stallions watched her with equine curiosity as she undid the loose-box gates.
    “Off you go,” she said. “Big green fields out there somewhere.”
    She glanced momentarily at Magrat. “You have been em-horse-sipated.”
    This didn’t seem to have much effect.
    Granny sighed. She climbed up onto the wooden wall that separated the boxes, reached up, grabbed a horse ear in either hand, and gently dragged their heads down level with her mouth.
    She whispered something.
    The stallions turned and looked one another in the eye.
    Then they looked down at Granny.
    She grinned at them, and nodded.
    Then…
    It is impossible for a horse to go instantly from a standing start to a gallop, but they almost managed it.
    “What on earth did you say to them?” said Magrat.
    “Mystic horseman’s word,” said Granny. “Passed down to Gytha’s Jason, who passed it up to me. Works every time.”
    “He told you it?” said Nanny.
    “Yes.”
    “What, all of it?”
    “Yes,” said Granny, smugly.
    Magrat tucked the wand back into her belt. As she did so, a square of white material fell onto the floor.
    White gems and silk glimmered in the candlelight as she reached down hurriedly to pick it up, but there wasn’t a lot that escaped Granny Weatherwax.
    She sighed.
    “Magrat Garlick…” she began.
    “Yes,” said Magrat meekly. “Yes. I know. I’m a wet hen.”
    Nanny patted her gently on the shoulder.
    “Never mind,” she said. “We’ve done a good night’s work here. That Ella has about as much chance of being sent to the ball tonight as I have of…of becoming queen.”
    “No dress, no footmen, no horses and no coach,” said Granny. “I’d like to see her get out of that one. Stories? Hah!”
    “So what’re we going to do now?” said Magrat, as they crept out of the yard.
    “It’s Fat Lunchtime!” said Nanny. “Hot diggety pig!” Greebo wandered out of the darkness and rubbed against her legs.
    “I thought Lily was trying to stamp it out,” said Magrat.
    “May as well try to stamp out a flood,” said Nanny. “Kick out a jam!”
    “I don’t agree with dancing in the streets,” said Granny. “How much of that rum did you drink?”
    “Oh, come on , Esme,” said Nanny. “They say if you can’t have a good time in Genua you’re probably dead.” She thought about Saturday. “You can probably have a bit of quiet fun even if you are dead, in Genua.”
    “Hadn’t we better stay here, though?” said Magrat. “Just to make sure?”
    Granny Weatherwax hesitated.
    “What do you think, Esme?” said Nanny Ogg. “You think she’s going to be sent to the ball in a pumpkin , eh? Get a few mice to pull it, eh? Heheh!”
    A vision of the snake women floated across Granny Weatherwax’s mind, and she hesitated. But, after all, it had been a long day. And it was ridiculous, when you came to think about it…
    “Well, all right,” she said. “But I’m not going to kick any jam, you understand.”
    “There’s dancing and all sorts,” said Nanny.
    “And banana drinks, I expect,” said Magrat.
    “It’s a million to one chance, yes,” said Nanny Ogg happily.

    Lilith de Tempscire smiled at herself in the double mirror.
    “Oh deary me,” she said. “No coach, no dress, no horses. What is a poor old godmother to do? Deary me. And probably lawks.”
    She opened a small leather case, such as a musician might use to carry his very best piccolo.
    There was a wand in there, the twin of the one carried by Magrat. She took it out and gave it a couple of twists, moving the gold and silver rings into a new position.
    The clicking sounded like the nastiest pump-action mechanism.
    “And me with nothing but a pumpkin, too,” said Lilith.
    And of course the difference between sapient and non-sapient things was that while it was hard to change the shape of the former it was not actually impossible. It was just a matter of changing a mental channel. Whereas a non-sapient thing like a pumpkin, and it was hard to imagine anything less sapient than