Xenocide (Ender Wiggins Saga)

the ambiguities of language, then understanding would be perfect and there'd be no more needless conflicts. Instead she had discovered that rather than magnifying differences between people, language might just as easily soften them, minimize them, smooth things over so that people could get along even though they really didn't understand each other. The illusion of comprehension allowed people to think they were more alike than they really were. Maybe language was better.
    They crawled out of the building into the sunlight, blinking, laughing in relief, all of them. "Not fun," said Ender. "But you insisted, Val. Had to see her right away."
    "So I'm a fool," said Valentine. "Is that news?"
    "It was beautiful," said Plikt.
    Miro only lay on his back in the capim and covered his eyes with his arm.
    Valentine looked at him lying there and caught a glimpse of the man he used to be, the body he used to have. Lying there, he didn't stagger; silent, there was no halting in his speech. No wonder his fellow xenologer had fallen in love with him. Ouanda. So tragic to discover that her father was also his father. That was the worst thing revealed when Ender spoke for the dead in Lusitania thirty years ago. This was the man that Ouanda had lost; and Miro had also lost this man that he was. No wonder he had risked death crossing the fence to help the piggies. Having lost his sweetheart, he counted his life as worthless. His only regret was that he hadn't died after all. He had lived on, broken on the outside as he was broken on the inside.
    Why did she think of these things, looking at him? Why did it suddenly seem so real to her?
    Was it because this was how he was thinking of himself right now? Was she capturing his image of himself? Was there some lingering connection between their minds?
    "Ender," she said, "what happened down there?"
    "Better than I hoped," said Ender.
    "What was?"
    "The link between us."
    "You expected that?"
    "Wanted it." Ender sat on the side of the car, his feet dangling in the tall grass. "She was hot today, wasn't she?"
    "Was she? I wouldn't know how to compare."
    "Sometimes she's so intellectual-- it's like doing higher mathematics in my head, just talking to her. This time-- like a child. Of course, I've never been with her when she was laying queen eggs. I think she may have told us more than she meant to."
    "You mean she didn't mean her promise?"
    "No, Val, no, she always means her promises. She doesn't know how to lie."
    "Then what did you mean?"
    "I was talking about the link between me and her. How they tried to tame me. That was really something, wasn't it? She was furious there for a moment, when she thought that you might have been the link they needed. You know what that would have meant to them-- they wouldn't have been destroyed. They might even have used me to communicate with the human governments. Shared the galaxy with us. Such a lost opportunity."
    "You would have been-- like a bugger. A slave to them."
    "Sure. I wouldn't have liked it. But all the lives that would have been saved-- I was a soldier, wasn't I? If one soldier, dying, can save the lives of billions ..."
    "But it couldn't have worked. You have an independent will," said Valentine.
    "Sure," said Ender. "Or at least, more independent than the Hive Queen can deal with. You too. Comforting, isn't it?"
    "I don't feel very comforted right now," said Valentine. "You were inside my head down there. And the Hive Queen-- I feel so violated--"
    Ender looked surprised. "It never feels that way to me."
    "Well, it's not just that," said Valentine. "It was exhilarating, too. And frightening. She's so-- large inside my head. Like I'm trying to contain someone bigger than myself."
    "I guess," said Ender. He turned to Plikt. "Was it like that for you, too?"
    For the first time Valentine realized how Plikt was looking at Ender, with eyes full, a trembling gaze. But Plikt said nothing.
    "That strong, huh?" said Ender. He chuckled and turned to Miro.
    Didn't he see? Plikt had already been obsessed with Ender. Now, having had him inside her mind, it might have been too much for her. The Hive Queen talked of taming rogue workers. Was it possible that Plikt had been "tamed" by Ender? Was it possible that she had lost her soul inside his?
    Absurd. Impossible. I hope to God it isn't so.
    "Come on, Miro," said Ender.
    Miro allowed Ender to help him to his feet. Then they climbed back onto the car and headed home to Milagre.
     
     
     
    Miro had