You Suck: A Love Story

to keep you from burning in the sun.”
    “Well, thanks.”
    Tommy looked at Jody, who shrugged.
    “I was unwrapped when I woke up,” she said.
    “That’s because Abby says you’re the Alpha vamp. Do you guys want to play Xbox or watch a DVD?
    I have The Crow Special Collector’s Edition.”
    “Gee,” Jody said, “that would be great, Jared, but we’d better be going.”
    Tommy had already picked up the Xbox controller, but set it down with marked disapproval, as if he’d notice a little botulism there on the trigger button.
    “Oh, you can’t go until the ’rents go to bed.” Jared giggled, high and girlish. “The door is right by where they watch TV.”
    “We’ll go out a window,” Jody said.
    Jared giggled again, then snorted a little, then started to honk, then took a hit from the inhaler that hung around his neck before he went on. “There’s no window. This basement is totally windowless. Like we’ve been walled up in here with our own grotesque despair. Isn’t it sweet?”
    “We could go to mist,” Tommy said. “Go out under the door.”
    “That would be so cool,” Jared said, “but my dad put rubber gaskets around the door to contain my disgusting Goth stench. That’s what he calls it: my ‘disgusting Goth stench.’ Although I don’t think I’m really Goth, more like death punk. He just doesn’t like cloves. Or pot. Or patchouli. Or gay people.”
    “Philistine,” Tommy said.
    “Oh, would you guys like some Cheese Newts?” Jared picked the box up off the floor and held it out. “I can open a vein on them if you need me to.” He waved the thumb Abby had stabbed to prepare their coffee the night before, now wrapped in a ragged ball of gauze and medical tape the size of a racquetball.
    “I’m good,” Tommy said.
    Jody nodded in agreement; although she would love a cup of coffee, she didn’t think she should ask the kid to stab himself quite so soon.
    She checked her watch. “What time do your parents go to bed?”
    “Oh, around ten. You’ll have plenty of time to stalk the night and whatnot. Would you like to wash up or something? There’s a bathroom down here. And a washing machine. My room was the wine celler, then my dad crashed his car and started twelve-stepping, so I got this sweet room for my own. Abby says it’s dank and disgusting-and she says it like it’s a bad thing! I think it’s just her perky side manifesting. I love her, but she really can be perky sometimes-don’t tell her I said so.”
    Jody shook her head, then nudged Tommy, who shook his head in agreement. “We won’t tell.” The kid was sort of giving her the creeps. She thought she might have lost that ability with blood drinking and the sleep of the undead and all, but nope, she was getting completely creeped out.
    “Jared, when is Abby coming back?”
    “Oh, she should be here any minute. She went to your loft to feed the cat.”
    “She went to our loft? The loft where Elijah was?”
    “No, it’s okay. She went during daylight so he couldn’t hurt her.”
    “It’s not daylight anymore,” Jody said.
    “How do you know?” Jared said “No windows, duh.”
    Tommy Stooge-smacked his forehead with enough force to render a mortal man unconscious. “Because we’re awake, you fucking moron!”
    “Oh yeah, ha,” Jared said. The trilling giggle again. “That’s bad, huh?”

25 – They Know Not What They Do
    When Rivera and Cavuto arrived at the Safeway, they found that the remaining Animals had crucified Clint on a stainless-steel chip rack and were shooting him with paintball guns. Lash unlocked the door to let them in. The Emperor and his men followed. Clint’s screaming sent Bummer into a barking fit and the Emperor snatched him up and stuffed him headfirst into the pocket of his overcoat.
    “That really necessary?” Rivera asked, pointing to the paint-splattered martyr.
    “We think so,” Lash said. “He ratted us out.” Lash turned, sighted down the pass-through of register three, and fired a quick volley of electric-blue paintballs into the center of Clint’s chest. “Did he call you again?”
    Rivera threw a thumb over his shoulder at the Emperor.
    The Emperor bowed. “You needed help, my son.”
    Lash nodded, considering that the Emperor might be right, then reeled and fired three quick shots into Clint’s groin. “Just the same, motherfucker!”
    “Stop that!” Rivera said. He snatched the paintball gun out of Lash’s hand.
    “It’s cool. He’s