Your Heart Belongs to Me

blanket aside, intending to bag it later and throw it in the trash.
    In the bathroom, he washed the wound with alcohol. Subsequently he applied iodine.
    He almost relished the stinging. The pain cleared his head.
    Because the cut was shallow, a thick styptic cream stopped the bleeding. After a while, he gently wiped the excess cream away and spread on Neosporin.
    The rote task of dressing the wound both focused him on his peril and freed his mind to think through what must happen next.
    To the Neosporin, he stuck thin gauze pads. Once he had applied adhesive tape at right angles to the incision, to help keep the lips of it together, he ran longer strips parallel to the wound, to secure the shorter lengths of tape.
    The pain had diminished to a faint throbbing.
    He changed into soft black jeans and a black sweater-shirt with a spread collar.
    The master-retreat bar included a little wine storage. He opened a ten-year-old bottle of Opus One and filled a Riedel glass almost to the brim.
    Employing the intercom, he informed Mrs. Amory that he would turn down the bed himself this evening and that he would take dinner in the master suite. He wanted steak, and he asked that the food-service cart be left on the penthouse landing at seven o’clock.
    At a quarter till five, he called his best number for Dr. Dougal Hobb in Beverly Hills. On a weekend, he expected to get a physicians’ service, which he did. He left his name and number and stressed that he was a transplant patient with an emergency situation.
    Sitting at the amboina-wood desk, he switched on the plasma TV in the entertainment center and muted the sound, staring at 1930s gangsters firing noiseless machine guns from silent black cars that glided around sharp corners without the bark of brakes or rubber.
    Having drunk a third of the wine in the glass, he held his right hand in front of his face. It hardly trembled anymore.
    He changed channels and watched an uncharacteristically taci-turn Russell Crowe captain a soundless sailing ship through a furious but silent storm.
    Eleven minutes after Ryan had spoken to the physicians’ service, Dr. Hobb returned his call.
    “I’m sorry if I alarmed you, Doctor. There’s no physical crisis. But it’s no less important that you help me with something.”
    As concerned as ever, with no indication of ill temper, Hobb said, “I’m always on call, Ryan. Never hesitate if you need me. As I warned you, no matter how well the recovery goes, emotional problems can develop suddenly.”
    “I wish it were that simple.”
    “The phone numbers of the therapists I gave you a year ago are still current, but if you’ve misplaced them—”
    “This isn’t an emotional problem, Doctor. This is…I don’t know what to call it.”
    “Then explain it to me.”
    “I’d rather not right now. But here’s the thing—I’ve got to know who was the donor of my heart.”
    “But you do know, Ryan. A schoolteacher who suffered massive head trauma in an accident.”
    “Yeah, I know that much. She was twenty-six, would be twenty-seven now, going on twenty-eight. But I need a good photograph of her.”
    For a beat, Hobb was as silent as Russell Crowe’s ship when it plowed through hushed seas so terrible that sailors were lashed to their duty stations to avoid being washed overboard.
    Then the surgeon said, “Ryan, the best man on that list of therapists is Sidney—”
    “No therapist, Dr. Hobb. A photo.”
    “But really—”
    “A photo and a name, Dr. Hobb. Please. This is so important.”
    “Ryan, some families prefer the recipients of their loved one’s organs to know who gave them the gift of life.”
    “That’s all I want.”
    “ But many other families prefer that they—and the donor—remain anonymous. They want no thanks, and their grief is private.”
    “I understand, Doctor. And in most cases I would respect that position. But this is an extraordinary situation.”
    “With all due respect, it’s unreasonable to—”
    “I’m in a position where I can’t take no for an answer. I really can’t. I just can’t.”
    “Ryan, I’m the surgeon who removed her heart and transplanted it to you, and even I’m not privy to her name. The family wants its privacy.”
    “Somebody in the medical system knows her name and can find her next of kin. I just want a chance to ask the family to change their minds.”
    “Perhaps it was the donor’s explicit condition that her name not be revealed. The family may feel