1936 On the Continent

visitor, as a preliminary, to see first the Scottish Regalia, in H OLYROOD P ALACE . It’s a symbol of crystal and very fine gold. There is nothing seemingly valuable or showy about it—it’s just something delicate and strong, and very lovely. Then I’d like you to study the history of Bonnie Prince Charlie (you’ll have to do it before you leave Scotland, so you may as well get down to it).
    After that, if it’s in you, you’ll sense the right atmosphere.
No Peasant Class Here
    There’s probably no country in the world with less of the “peasant class” than Scotland. The crofter may be living close to the earth, but he’s likely better educated than you are yourself. For this reason, out in the country places, conform to the customs as much as ever you can. Much will be strange. You’ll find the language very hard to follow at first. Before you decide you’re being scolded in an unknown tongue, get someone to translate. For example, if you come in soaked to the skin (you probably will), and the landlady says she is going to put you in bed with a pig, do not recoil—it’s only a hot water bottle.
Scotch Speech is Expressive
    The broad Scotch speech
is
difficult to catch quickly; at first, but if you enjoy beautiful expressive language, you will be following easily by the end of the week. If you bide quietly and listen to the children playing, you will listen to pure twelfth century English—the fine old alliterative verse language.
    In parts of Scotland, you get the best and purest speech of the British Isles.
    When in doubt for a word, try the French: “poche” means, in Scotch, a pocket or bag; and an “ashet” is a plate, and “bien” is well, and “douce” sweet and gentle. They used to shout “Gardo!” as the rubbish carts came through the narrow Scotch wynds, a left-over from the time they chucked water from top windows. (Garde l’eau.)
    If you are a serious person, who likes history, you will like Scotland.
    Don’t, if you’re a gay person, offend the Scotch solemnity on Sundays; they fought hard and fairly for that Sunday. Do not insist on gay, light-hearted conversation.
    The Scotch do not converse unnecessarily. Also, and this is vital; to an Englishman, a grunt is only an unpleasant negative, but a Scotchman can make his grunt mean anything on earth. No Englishman can produce one grunt like it, it’s not eloquence, it’s inspiration!
    One blessing above all for the shy visitor; in Scotland you are never, never expected to “make conversation.” You can be silent more comfortably than anywhere else in the world! The Scotch are quite as reticent as you are yourself. But,
Scotch reticence melts before appreciation
. So if you go to Scotland, go friendly, and expect a good time, and you’ll get it given to you.
Scotchwomen are Good Housewives
    All North country women are good cooks, and fine house-keepers. They think but poorly of the English women in this respect. The idea of housework being drudgery is unthinkable in the North; for there it’s a matter of interest and pride.
    A woman there may have many servants, but if she were the greatest lady in the land, she would think scorn if she could no teach her maids how to cook! To have a very light hand with the scones, or to be a good nurse, is not thought one wit less interesting than any other accomplishment.
    The higher the attainments in any branch of Science or Art, the more necessary, and commendable, that the lady should also be skilled in domestic accomplishments.
    In fact, they would not think very highly of her if she wasn’t! If rich, it behoves her to avoid waste; if poor, it behoves her to make the most of what she has. If she is any sort of woman at all, she is expected to be a capable one.
Ask for Real Scotch Dishes
    So if you have the luck to stay in any good Scotch household, be sure to ask for real Scotch dishes, you’llenjoy them: Scotch oatcake, and Scotch haggis (be brave, whisky goes with it), and once you’ve had it, you’ll realise why a haggis is always piped to the table, with due ceremony.
Robert Burns and Haggis
    I’ll not suggest that you try to wallow in Robert Burns, for half of it you wouldn’t understand, beforehand, but you’ll appreciate it when you’ve been around lowland Scotland and seen what that plough-boy had to sing about.
    But, as an exception, you may read Burns’ “Ode to the Haggis” beforehand, to whet your appetite for that Scotch delicacy.
    Haggis
    Fair fa’ your