A Beautiful Dark

wrapped my fingers around hers. “I should have told her I liked her a long time ago. I think I’ve loved her forever,” he said.
    “She’s going to be okay.”
    “How do you know?”
    “I just . . .” I wondered if I could make a deal with the Order. Let Devin heal her, and I’ll come to your side—willingly and enthusiastically. Or maybe I could heal her myself if I concentrated hard enough.
    I closed my eyes and searched for the well of power that Devin had told me about, tried to find the switch that Asher visualized when he brought forth the elements. This was important. So important. My emotions were ratcheted on high. I had to make this work. I couldn’t lose Cassie. I’d lost my mom and dad. I’d been powerless to do anything for them.
    I. Could. Not. Lose. Cassie.
    Grief slammed into me at the thought of my life without her. And with it came anger. Why would I go to the Order when they were the kind who would refuse to help someone simply because they hadn’t been given permission? Why wasn’t blanket permission given? See someone who needs to be helped. Help them.
    Why were they stingy with their gifts?
    I couldn’t, wouldn’t, believe that of Devin. He had to be there now, begging for permission. For me. He would do that for me. I knew he would.
    I remembered how worried Asher had been in the snow cave when he’d discovered I was hurt. He’d said that he couldn’t help. I hadn’t thought anything of it at the time, but now I knew he’d regretted that he didn’t have the same powers that Devin did. Yes, fire had kept us warm until we were rescued, but it couldn’t heal. It wasn’t the greater power.
    The rebellious angels of long ago had paid a high price for their desire to leave Paradise.
    And Paradise was what the Order provided. At least according to Devin. He wanted to go back there, desperately. He wanted to take me with him.
    Could I go if Cassie died?
    If Cassie died . . . if Cassie died . . . if Cassie died . . .
    The refrain echoed through my head. My anger built. My frustration reached new limits. My grief threatened to consume—
    A loud bang erupted from the corner of the room. I jerked my eyes open. The machine monitoring Cassie’s vitals was smoking, the readings going berserk.
    “Crap!” Dan shouted, reaching for the buzzer to signal for a nurse.
    I released my hold on Cassie and backed into a corner. I wanted to slide down to the floor and weep. I couldn’t help her. I couldn’t help anyone. All I could do was destroy things.
    The boiler, the thermostat, the bus heater so hot it burned my fingers. The avalanche. Now the machine that monitored her vitals. What if I’d sent this negative energy through Cassie and killed her?
    Two nurses came rushing through the door. “I need you to leave,” one ordered.
    “Is she going to be okay?” I asked.
    One nurse was messing with the machine, unhooking Cassie, as the other pressed a stethoscope to her chest, listening to her heart. Dan just stood there, looking as lost as I felt.
    “She’s going to be okay, right?” I said. “She has a heartbeat, doesn’t she?”
    “I really need you to leave,” the nurse taking care of the machine repeated.
    When Dan and I both just stood there like statues, she grabbed our arms and ushered us out into the hallway.
    “What the hell happened in there?” Dan asked when the nurse disappeared back inside Cassie’s room and the door closed behind her.
    “I don’t know,” I lied.
    We sat in a couple of chairs in the hallway. Eventually the nurses emerged. They confirmed there was no change in Cassie, but the monitoring machine was destroyed. They’d wheeled the broken one out and brought in another.
    I wanted to tell myself that the machine was old, faulty. But who was I kidding? I’d ruined it. Because I couldn’t control my powers.
    When everything was properly set up again, the nurses gave us permission to go back in. Dan was pushing open the door when he looked back to see that I was lingering in the hallway. “You coming?”
    I couldn’t risk doing something that would inadvertently hurt Cassie. “No, I think I’m going to head on home. I’m really tired.”
    It was a stupid, lame thing to say. But there were no words I could utter that would make my leaving seem all right.
    “If—” I shook my head. “ When she wakes up, call me.”
    I could tell from the confusion in his eyes that my leaving was the very last thing he expected.
    “Yeah, sure,