A Blink of the Screen

practice and carries the magic sponge.
    [ 4 ]
Trevor Likely
(Education unknown)
    Not formally a team member, although has played once for UU. The most highly skilled man alive with the traditional tin can, which he can practically cause to defy gravity, but is known to have difficulty with the standard spherical ball.
    [ 9 ]
Mr Nutt
(Education: More than you could possibly imagine)
    Player / Coach. Perhaps the most skilled tactician ever to lace up a boot. Is possibly the only player ever to use the word
zeitgeist
in everyday conversation. Particularly skilled in the philosophy of the game, he can get an axiom containing a paradox past an opposing player before the man even notices that his shorts have fallen down.
    [ 1001 ]
The Luggage
    Surprisingly, not allowed on the team because of its total incapability of understanding what a game is. Also has too many feet.
    Players from other teams
    [ 7 ]
Jimmy Wilkins
(Pigsty Hill Pork Packers)
    Jimmy Wilkins soon excelled himself as captain of the Porkies with his ability to turn cartwheels on the pitch and shoot upside down. Often this has bewildered unsuspecting goalkeepers sufficiently for the ball to have hit the back of the net before they have even realized that it was on its way.
    [ 4 ]
J. W. Rickett
(Pigsty Hill Pork Packers)
    A master of fine ball control, Kick it Rickett has been known to run half the length of the pitch with the ball apparently balanced on the tip of his boot. He has only failed to become a true football great because of his absolute reluctance to ever pass the ball to anybody else and once famously stormed off the pitch when one of his team tried it. As they said, he was a great player, if only you jumped out and tripped him up at the right moment.
    [ 1 ]
Charlie Barton
(Treacle Mine Tuesday – Goalkeeper)
    Very seldom does any ball get past Charlie (Big Boy) Barton who, it is rumoured, has to be crowbarred from the goal at the end of the match. This is a result of his phenomenal pie consumption and has led to the Ankh-Morpork Football Association declaring that the Miners’ goalmouth must be at least twice as wide as that of their opponents so that there may be room for the ball to be put in.
    [ 6 ]
Aknon Smyth
(The Dimmers)
    Stalwart of the Dimmers, Holy Aknon, as he is known, belongs to a small sect that has to say prayers every fifteen minutes. Fans are used to him dropping to his knees in the middle of the game which, coincidentally, trips up at least one opposing player. Following this, the game has to go on hold until he finishes his prayers, after which he will spring away in some hitherto unknown direction. The Ankh-Morpork Football Association is wrestling with this conundrum.
    David ‘Dave’ Likely
(Education: none)
    Deceased. All-time holder of the highest lifetime score (four goals) in the street version of the game. Dave Likely is the archetypical footballer, from his huge baggy shorts to his hobnail boots. Unfortunately he refused to wear any head protection at all, which is why he is the
late
Dave Likely.
    [ 2 ]
Andy Shank
(The Dimmers)
    Andy Shank is a leading ‘face’ amongst the Dimwell supporters as well as in the Ankh-Morpork Shove. His father is the feared captain of the Dimwell team and Andy may well inherit the title due to his unbridled savagery and skill in all forms of close combat. He inspires fear in his associates almost as much as in his enemies. Known to the City Watch as a particularly bad lot he is certainly one to keep an eye out for, all the time if possible.
    [ 8 ]
Joseph Hoggett
(Captain – Pigsty Hill Pork Packers)
    A skilled player of the old game of street football (aka Poor Boys’ Fun, the Game, the Shove). Elected captain of United at the meeting of the captains of all the city’s major football teams. Very strong – it is reputed that he can lift a pig carcass in each hand.
    [ 6 ]
Swithin Dustworthy
(Captain – The Cockbill Boars)
    [ 9 ]
Harry Capstick
(The Cockbill Boars)
    Other players: Tosher Atkinson, Jimmy the Spoon, Spanner, Mrs Atkinson, Willy Piltdown, Micky Pulford, The Brisket Boys (F and Q)
    Referee
    Archchancellor of Brazeneck
(formerly known as
The Dean
)
    The visit by the Archchancellor of the new red-brick university in Pseudopolis to his former colleagues at Unseen Unversity opportunely coincided with the inaugural foot-the-ball match. He was appointed referee and so got to use the haunted whistle of Gryffid Tabernacle Jones, the long deceased sports master of UU. No