A Blink of the Screen

HALL OF FAME PLAYING CARDS

    F AMOUS F OOTBALLERS OF A NKH - M ORPORK
, S EPTEMBER 2009
    Another squib! This time it was to celebrate the launch of
Unseen Academicals:
various teams of Discworld fans and locals battled it out on the playing fields of Wincanton, and, as I recall, some of the ladies were somewhat dishevelled, which amazingly enough didn’t interfere with the game. Of course I had to come up with the funny names
.
    Unseen Academicals
    [ 1 ]
Archchancellor Mustrum Ridcully
DThau, DM, DS, DMn, DG, DD, DCL, DMPhil, DMS, DCM, DW, BElL
    Sometimes attempts to shout the ball at the enemy opposition. Mustrum Ridcully’s preferred technique, however, is to kick the ball at full force at the nearest attacker and collect it again on the rebound as his opponent curls up on the ground. This has caused a number of problems for opposing players until they found a use that could be made of a common metal soup plate, two holes and a length of string.
    [69]
Professor Bengo Macarona
DThau (Bug), DMaus (Chubb), Magistaludorum (QIS), Octavium (Hons), PHGK (Blit), DMSK, Mack, DThou (Bra), Visiting Professor in Chickens (Jahn the Conqueror University (Floor 2, Shrimp Packers Building, Genua)), Primo Octo (Deux), Visiting Professor of Blit/Slood Exchanges (Al Khali), KCbfJ, Reciprocating Professor of Blit Theory (Unki), DThau (Unki), Didimus Supremuis (Unki), Emeritus Professor in Blit Substrate Determinations (Chubb), Chair of Blit and Music Studies (Quirm College for Young Ladies)
    A highly skilled player from Genua, well known for having many different approaches to the task in hand. Excellent striker, with a regrettable tendency to handle the ball when excited.
    [ 7b ]
Professor Rincewind
Egregious Professor of Cruel and Unusual Geography (UU), Chair of Experimental Serendipity (UU), Reader in Slood Dynamics (UU), Chair for the Public Misunderstanding of Magic (UU), Chair of Approximate Accuracy (UU)
    Rincewind is possibly the fastest man on any field. Unfortunately, he frequently forgets to take the ball with him. Interestingly, the verve with which he speeds away clouds the perception of his opponents who find it difficult to believe that the ball is actually behind them now and is heading in the opposite direction.
    [1.618 ]
Dr Ponder Stibbons
HEM (UU), DThau (UU), Reader in Non-Volatile Intelligence (UU), Cantoride Speaker in Slood Refurgance (UU)
    Player / Coach. Used to lose his glasses early in the match and now has them taped to his head. Tactical thinker, some of the time. One of his boots flies off for no known reason.
    [ 9 ]
Gryffid Tabernacle Evans
(Evans the Striped)
    The only player in the UU squad who is officially dead. He is, in fact, all that remains of the last UU sports master whose ghost hangs on in the enormous brass whistle that was all he left behind. Regrettably, people sometimes forget that blowing the whistle will cause them to be temporarily overwhelmed by the spirit of the late Evans who will then send everyone on a long cross-country run in their underwear for forgetting their sports kit.
    [ 8 ]
Dr J. Hicks or Hix
Professor in Unspeakable Dark Arts Post Mortem Communications (UU), DThau, Impissimus Holder of the Silver Skull (3rd Class)
    Under university statute is allowed, expected and required to foul. After all, there is no point in being the official bad person if you play by the rules. The only player who is prepared to wear the number eight. Will occasionally leave free tickets to his notorious amateur dramatic presentations in order to demoralize the opposition.
    [ 1 ]
The Librarian
DThau, Professor of L-space Studies
    A second number one (because he sulked). Born to defend the goal, since he can swing from the posts and very nearly reach the total width of the goal while standing in the middle.
    [ 10 ]
Alf Nobbs (No Relation)
One Year Long Service Bledlow Medal (UU), Five Year Long Service Bledlow Medal (UU), Ten Year Long Service Bledlow Medal (UU)
    A good all-round player, whose talents have been honed by chasing generations of students after the pubs have shut. Feels he has a mission in life to restore the good name of the Nobbs clan. Wears enormously large and heavy boots. People have learned to flee at the sound.
    [ 206 ]
Charlie
(No other name known)
    Hasn’t yet taken the field for UU since the Football Association of Ankh-Morpork is divided on the eligibility of a walking skeleton. Nevertheless he turns up to training and as Dr Hicks points out, is very good for anatomical