A Darkness in My Soul

families and one had a brother who was a priest We've put together composite photographs of various real officers to release to the press.
        Later tonight, word will be flashed to an outraged nation that you have died on the operating table. Even though you slaughtered the howler crew and three other policemen, we were trying to save you, see? Now, the first order of business today is for you to come along and help us film the operating room sequences. A double won't work in bright lights. I hope you can die convincingly, or at least pretend to look dead while you're lying there.
        Otherwise, you'll have to be drugged for it.
        He stopped, watching me. It was time for my part, and my lines were crystal clear to me. "Look, how about a bargain," I said. I sounded fairly desperate.
        He smiled. He was eating this up. Morsfagen's weakness was not in his rigid acceptance of military codes and consensus views, but in his need for power over other human beings, his delight at being on top of another man.
        I was giving him exactly what he wanted.
        Maybe he would just hang himself with it.
        "I fail to see," he said, "just what you have to bargain with." He motioned around at the windowless walls.
        "Something you don't know," I said. "Something that, if you knew, would help you a great deal."
        He frowned, smiled again. "And what would you want for this valuable piece of information?"
        "My freedom. Melinda's freedom. We'd stay in the city.
        I'd do whatever you want."
        "Oh, I hardly believe you would," he said.
        "Look, Morsfagen, I'm not kidding you. I have something to tell you that could make a very big difference to the Alliance. I am not lying, and you must believe that."
        "I'd love to hear it," he said, dragging this out to relish every moment of my groveling. "But you must choose some other reward besides your freedom."
        "Let the girl and me live here together. At least don't keep us in separate apartments."
        He smiled, seemed to consider it. "All right. She is some nice piece, I'll tell you. That ought to be a big enough reward. Now tell me what this secret is?"
        I started to speak, then stopped abruptly, just as I had planned, examining him with a great deal of suspicion. I must have looked pathetic, hunched there on the edge of the bed, unshaven, trying to bargain for petty favors that would come without question to a free man. It was the image I wanted him to have of me. "How do I know I can trust you?" I asked. "How do I know you'll keep your promise?"
        He laughed sharply, deeply. "You don't."
        "But that's not right!" I said. There was just the edge of a whine in my voice. I was a broken man, yes I was. I was just so many pieces for him to break further into dust.
        "Fairness doesn't apply here," he said. "You'll just have to trust me. Or forget it all."
        I hesitated. "I have nothing to lose, I guess," I said. "So I'll tell you." I hesitated again. Then I spoke: "I lied to you when I saw it was dangerous for me to go back into Child's mind. I just said that to get back into my own body and to get out of the AC complex. I can go back into him any time that I want, and I can bring a great deal of valuable data out to you."
        He burst into loud, almost uncontrolled laughter, his face growing red. He slapped his sides with his hands, almost dropping the sheaf of papers, and finally the laughter turned into a choking cough. When he looked up at me again, he said, "I thought that much all along. I hadn't yet decided to risk sending you back, 'cause you're too valuable to lose. In a police state, an esper has more duties hunting the enemy at home than abroad. Now I can take the risk and clean out that freak's mind too. I thank you for your kind assistance in this decision." He nodded sarcastically.
        "When will the girl be brought to me?" I asked, though I knew the answer already.
        "You trusted me," he said. "I appreciate that. It shows that we will be getting along better than anticipated."
        "I hope so."
        "But there is one thing I think you should learn, for your own good," he said. He waited until there was no alternative but for me to ask him what that lesson was.
        "What's that?" I asked.
        "Trust no one," he said. "The girl will remain in a separate apartment."
        I made a lunge for him, and the guard