A Farewell to Yarns

same thing in my book,“ Shelley said.
    “I’m really sorry—”
    Shelley softened. “I shouldn’t be a bitch to you. It’s just that I haven’t been so mad in years. He really is a bastard, regardless of birth. The status can be earned, as well. But it’s not your fault. You had no idea what was coming.“
    “What am I going to do with them?“
    “We’ll get rid of them somehow. Trust me. Just don’t let that boy near me again.“
    “Thanks for driving. Please don’t abandon me now.“
    “Jane, you saw me through having my wisdom teeth extracted while my mother-in-law was visiting. That’s a moral debt I intend to clear up this week.”
    The joined Phyllis and Bobby, who had gathered all their luggage—a substantial pile of fantastically expensive leatherwork—at the kitchen door next to the driveway. Phyllis and Bobby were in the midst of an argument. Or at least Bobby was treating it as such. “I can’t be stuck here with no wheels, Phyl.“
    “Of course you can’t, darling. I’ll call a car rental right away.“
    “I don’t want some old fogy kind of car. I want something sporty to take back to the old neighborhood.“
    “Oh, Bobby, do you really think you should—?”
    “You gonna tie some rope on me or something?”
    “Of course not, darling. You know I wouldn’t interfere in what you want to do. I just don’t think it’s wise to—”
    She stopped as Jane forced her way between them to unlock the kitchen door. She decided that if Phyllis wanted to haul suitcases around when there was an able-bodied young man on hand, she could do so, but Jane Jeffry had too much sense. She strolled into the kitchen and held the door open. Shelley managed to be right on her heels, unencumbered with so much as an ounce of Phyllis or Bobby’s luggage.
    “Come out, Willard, it’s not burglars,“ Jane called, as Phyllis and Bobby wrestled suitcases. A moment later the big dog emerged timidly from behind the door to the living room. He was wagging his tail in a craven manner as if to suggest that he was merely waiting to be absolutely certain of the evidence before attacking.
    “I think if burglars actually came in here, he’d probably read them their rights,“ Jane said with disgust as Willard shambled up and sniffed Phyllis’s feet. “There’s also an army of cats around someplace. Max and Meow will turn up when you least expect them.“
    “What a dear doggie! I haven’t petted an animal for years,“ Phyllis said, bending to stroke him. “Chet has terrible allergies, poor man. He knows how much I love animals, so he’s always buying the most adorable stuffed animals for me. There’s this shop in Paris that sends a man every year with samples. Isn’t that amazing? The man has to miss days of work to fly down to the island. I think it’s so sweet of him.“
    “Phyl, the car—“ Bobby said.
    Just for a second Phyllis looked at him as if she’d never seen him before but then got her doting look back. “Jane, do you have a phone book around?“
    “Yes, I’ll get it while you’re unpacking.”
    “Phyl, now,“ Bobby said.
    “Surely you can wait a few minutes and let your mother get settled,“ Jane said in the tone she used with the kids in the car pool who were misbehaving. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed that Shelley, who couldn’t even bring herself to spank her poodle to make him behave, had balled up her fists as if to pummel someone momentarily.
    “No, Jane. It’s fine. I’ll just give them a quick call,“ Phyllis said.
    Jane handed her the yellow pages and sat down at the kitchen table. She wanted to put her head in her hands and weep. Phyllis had never been one of the world’s great brains, but could she possibly be this stupid? The poor man from the toy store missed days of work flying from Paris? Why, Chet Wagner must have put in a couple thousand just getting him there. And to buy a grown woman expensive stuffed animals?
    Jane tried to remember Chet and could only come up with a dim impression of an older man (not so old, really, probably only the age Jane was now) with a worried expression when Phyllis wasn’t around and a euphoric one when she was. He must have really loved her all these years with an uncritical, unquestioning love. Proof of what love could do without a brain. But Chet wasn’t a stupid man. You don’t buy whole islands on the profits of stupidity. XXX buy ever, if the relationship had been successful in the past, what made it