A Farewell to Yarns

of Fiona Howard’s house. The construction of this home in Jane and Shelley’s neighborhood had caused something of a stir a few years earlier. A conflagration (started by a grease fire caused by a notoriously bad cook and taken as a sort of divine culinary retribution) had seriously damaged two adjoining homes as well. The central house, as well as the two neighboring ones, were purchased by a couple named Fiona and Albert Howard who, to everyone’s surprise, made no attempt to repair the damaged homes to the side. Instead, they leveled both of them, as well as the middle one, and built a new house on the triple lot.
    This was considered an extravagant thing to do, but surprise had turned to disappointment and a certain measure of animosity when, before construction was even completed, a visually impenetrable wall of hedges went in around the entire site. Worse, the owners were seldom around during the construction process, so there was almost no opportunity to get to know them or their floor plan. This thwarting of natural nosiness was considered very unfriendly.
    The mystery of the Howards’ apparent secretiveness was solved, however, a scant week before they moved in. The realtor let drop an historical reference that was picked up and picked apart. The elusive Mrs. Howard, it turned out, was the former wife of Richie Divine, the late rock star whose untimely death had shaken the country--or at least the female half of it—as badly as Elvis Presley’s.
    Know to keep a public profile so low as to be nearly invisible, Fiona Howard was an extremely unwilling celebrity, almost a legend in a slightly pejorative sense. This made the hedge practically acceptable. After a while neighbors started to take a certain pride in it. “Oh, that hedge?“ they would say to visitors who were taken blocks out of their way to “happen“ to drive past. “Why, that’s the Howard estate—Richie Divine’s widow, you know.”
    It was Jane’s first time behind the hedge.
    “Jane, help me with these boxes,“ Shelley said, opening the side door of the minivan.
    Jane got out and braced herself to lift a particularly large carton. She nearly threw it over her shoulder when she gave a mighty heave. “Dear Lord, is this empty?“
    “No, it’s those embroidered Santa pillows the Parslow sisters made.“
    “Oh dear—“ Jane had seen the prototype pillow last summer and had been appalled. The rosy-cheeked Santa had looked like a lecherous old alcoholic. The stitching that was meant to give him a rosy nose looked like broken veins, and to make it worse, he was leering horribly.
    As they reached the front door, it opened, and Fiona Howard came out to meet them. “Shelley, Jane,“ Fiona said warmly in a lovely upper-class English accent that made Jane feel she’d stepped into the middle of a Masterpiece Theater production. “I didn’t hear you drive up. Here, let me help with those. I can call Albert to help us if you have anything heavy.“
    “No, we can manage. Just point me in the right direction,“ Jane said over the top of the Santa pillow carton.
    “Just down the hall, then. I’ll have the maid help me unpack them later.“
    “We’ll come back and do that,“ Shelley said, staggering under the weight of a box of iced gingerbread men. “You’re not supposed to go to any trouble, since you’re letting us use your house for the sale.“
    “I don’t mind in the least. But can’t you stay?”
    Jane had set her carton down and come back. “Not this morning. I have an old neighbor coming to town to stay a few days.“ Even saying it made her shudder. “I left her at home un- packing. If it’s okay, we’ll come back tomorrow and help you sort things out.“
    “Can’t you even have a cup of tea?“ Fiona asked.
    “That nice jasmine kind?“ Jane asked. “If you like.”
    Jane shot a questioning look at Shelley, who glanced at her watch and said, “Only for five minutes. I have to be at school pretty soon and to help the nurse weigh the third graders. Some sort of health unit.”
    Fiona led them through the house, and Jane dawdled as much as she could, looking around. She knew Fiona only slightly from church, and she’d never been within the hedged walls, much less inside the house before. She’d expected it to be palatial. Actually, it was quite ordinary, but in a very expensive, tasteful way. The only Englishness about it was the formal living room, which was done with a busy patterned carpet that was