A Farewell to Yarns

coffee, would you?”
    Shelley took off her coat, folding it neatly over the back of a chair, then laid her gloves and purse on the seat. She took down two coffee mugs from the shelf, while Jane hastily cleaned the table. “Calm down. We’ve got plenty of time,“ Shelley said as Jane brutally shoved cereal boxes into the cabinet.
    “Yes, I guess so. I just work up in a panic mode and can’t seem to stop.“ She sat down and blew on the coffee. “Jesus! I hate days that start this way. Mike thought they ought to just stay home from school altogether since they were going to be late anyway and was outraged that I wouldn’t consider it. Katie acted like I’d turned the clocks off on purpose to make her miss some girly-girly gossip session in the second floor john before school. And Todd took advantage of the situation to trick me into signing a sheet saying I’d help drive the fifth grade to something or other. If Steve weren’t already dead, I’d kill him for leaving me with all this. He should have been here helping.“
    “Come on, Jane. Steve wouldn’t have been helping you this morning. He’d have been standing around helplessly, wanting you to iron a shirt or something.“
    “You’re right. Either way, I’m mad at him. Ughhh! This coffee is awful.“
    “That’s possibly Steve’s fault, too,“ Shelley said with a grin.
    Jane smiled back. “As a matter of fact, it is. I buy it because it was his favorite brand. He’s been gone nearly a year, and I’m still drinking his disgusting coffee. What’s the matter with me?“
    “Nothing that time won’t take care of. Just think. You can use some of his lovely insurance money to buy all sorts of expensive gourmet brands to try out. Now, go get dressed and put on a face, and I’ll tidy up the kitchen.“
    “Don’t even think about it! I don’t want you to look in my cabinets and know what a slob I really am.”
    Shelley put a well-manicured hand on Jane’s wrist and said, “Can I be honest?“
    “Why stop at honest? Go straight to cruel.“
    “I don’t have to look into cabinets to know your secret. Get dressed, unless you plan to meet your old friend looking this way.“
    “I don’t think Phyllis would care. Knowing Phyllis, it’s questionable whether she’d notice, but I’d hate to risk seeing a look of raw pity in her eyes. I’ll have to feed Willard; he’d be terrified to eat anything someone else’s hands had touched. The whole world is out to poison him, he says, but the cat food is under the sink in the guest bathroom.“
    “There must be a reason for that,“ Shelley said mildly, having long since accepted most of the vagaries of Jane’s peculiar housekeeping system.
    “It’s my emergency supply, for when I’ve run out and they start attacking my ankles.“ Jane disappeared down the basement steps, peeling her sweatshirt off over her head as she went.
    She came back up a few minutes later wearing a denim skirt and blue-and-white striped blouse. “There’s noting like getting dressed right out of the dryer. So toasty and warm.“ She sat down on a kitchen chair and struggled into a pair of panty hose. The cats were sitting on opposite sides of their dish, staring at each other, each afraid to eat first for fear of getting smacked on the head by the other. Willard kept sticking his big wet nose into the back of Jane’s knees. “Yes, yes. Just a minute,“ she told him.
    As she stood up to give her panty hose a final tug, her finger punched through the hose, and a fat run slithered down her leg. “A man invented panty hose,“ Shelley observed.
    “Probably a grandson of the man who invented corsets!“ Jane said, stripping off the ruined item and throwing it into the wastebasket. She hurriedly fed Willard, then ran upstairs while Shelley continued to tidy the kitchen.
    When Jane returned, she was a new person. Her short, streaked blond hair was combed and sprayed into a tousled upswept style—Shelley had made her go to a hairdresser to learn how to create this miracle—and she had on navy knee-length boots that added a full two inches to her height. With makeup, she looked a good five years younger and a great deal less stressed. “You do clean up good,“ Shelley said approvingly.
    Jane glanced around the spotless kitchen. “Sodo you. If Paul ever goes bankrupt and you need a job, I’ll hire you.“
    “The sad thing is, I’d love it,“ Shelley observed. “I know it’s shallow of me, but I really love to