A Fractured Light (Beautiful Dark)

up against a tree that was hidden in shadows. And he kissed me. For the first time, he kissed me.
    And I remembered something.
    In a flash, Devin’s body was pressed against mine, backing me into the row of lockers. But it wasn’t cool, smooth metal that I felt behind me. The floor had prickled up into frosted grass, and I was leaning against a tree under a canopy of night.
    “Skye,” he murmured, bringing me back to the present. He ran his fingers slowly down my arms, leaving trails of tiny goose bumps.
    Wait.
    His kiss was passionate, angry, sad. It was so full of longing, full of everything that a Guardian wasn’t and couldn’t ever be.
    This happened before.
    I felt dizzy.
    No—it didn’t happen. I saw it.
    Fear ripped through me. This didn’t feel right. I started to struggle against him.
    “Stop,” I said. “Stop. Stop!”
    “What?” he asked, breaking away. I pushed my hands against him, sending him stumbling back. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Did you see something?”
    “No,” I said, struggling to catch my breath. “It’s this. You! This isn’t right. There’s Asher, and you—you tried to kill me!” I felt myself growing angry again, felt the heat begin to rise in my chest. At any second, the ground should have rumbled beneath us. But this time, I focused on Devin and held my wild emotions at bay. “You did what they told you to because they told you and for no other reason. You didn’t even believe that you should. You just did it! ” I yelled that last part, and I could feel my face turning red. But there was no fire, no thunder rippling through the clouds. I was just angry; that was all.
    My training with Asher was working.
    Devin looked at me sadly.
    “You’re right,” he said. “It isn’t meant to be. I don’t deserve you.”
    The shadows seemed to come between us then, or maybe it was just my heart playing tricks on me. But I couldn’t bear to look at him anymore. I turned and walked away.
     
    Dan drove us home.
    He and Cassie murmured softly to each other in the front seat. In the back, I curled myself up against the window, beating back the memories of Devin’s lips and ignoring Ian’s concerned glances in my direction.
    In bed, as I was falling asleep, I clutched the notebook to my chest, trying to hold on to my mom’s words, hoping that somehow, in some small way, this tiny book would guide me in the right direction.

Chapter 21
    I fought against the wind and leaned over the edge of the slope.
    Coach stood behind me, timer in hand. “Ready, girls?”
    “Ready,” I said, pulling my goggles down.
    “Ready,” said Ellie, doing the same.
    It was our final Sunday practice before the last race of the season. The final race was the upcoming Friday afternoon, and the claws were out. Ellie had spent all morning staring me down and talking about me loudly with her friends. Girls who I used to be friends with, too. Whatever.
    “On your marks,” Coach said. We crouched low at the same time. “Get set.” We leaned forward. “Go!”
    I pulled ahead, but Ellie was on my tail. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her pulling up alongside me, trying to edge me out. I pushed forward, let the wind swish past my face. This isn’t about the best time , I repeated over and over in my head. It’s about keeping control. You’re not trying to beat Ellie. You’re trying to make yourself strong.
    That was what mattered, right? Not getting named captain. I had huge and important decisions to make, outrageous powers to learn how to use effectively. Becoming captain of the ski team seemed so frivolous.
    So why was this so important?
    It just is. There was some part of me that wasn’t ready to let go of my normal teenage life. I’d wanted to be captain since Aunt Jo had taken me skiing for the first time, when I was eight. You don’t forget about the things you’ve always wanted just because your boyfriend is a Rebel angel, a Guardian angel kissed you in the woods—oh, and you’re preparing for a battle between the forces that control destiny and those that fight against it.
    I tried to channel that energy into my race. I closed my eyes and tried to feel the course, remembering how Asher had tried to help me control my powers when my emotions ran high. His lips had been so close to mine, our foreheads nearly touching—and yet I had focused all of the energy between us into summoning a storm large enough to wash the fire from the trees. I tried to recapture the