A Fractured Light (Beautiful Dark)

difficult.” He looked at me pointedly. “They’ll only find fiercer and more determined ways to manipulate fate. There is nothing we can do about it.”
    It was shocking—scary, almost—to hear him talk like this. Devin had always been so quick to defend the Order and their ways. Now that their path encompassed something so personal to him, was he faltering in his beliefs?
    “The purple flower,” I said. “You left that for me. I know you did. Why?”
    “At first, I had to stay as far away from you as possible. I was sure that your Rebel”—a fresh layer of ice seemed to crystalize in his eyes—“was planning revenge for what I did. Or worse—that you were.”
    “Tutoring. Homeroom.”
    He nodded, closing his eyes as if in pain. “I was sick with what I almost did to you. But then, after that morning in the hall, I thought that maybe I could make you understand. You know what it’s like to feel as if you have no say in the course of your life. I left you the flower. I hoped you would understand what it meant.”
    “I did, but—”
    He took a small, tentative step forward. “But what?”
    “But there’s a difference between you and me. You let them control you, and you do nothing to change that. I never could! I have to figure out what’s happening to me—control it— fight. I’ve been fighting since you first showed me your wings and made me understand that the same thing awaited me .”
    “You have a choice, Skye. I don’t!”
    “You do,” I said, my voice rising. “All Guardians do!” I paused, breathing deep to steady myself. I knew that the second I said the words that were on my lips, I could never take them back. And who knew what kind of chain of events they would set into motion. “You can jump.”
    “What?” His fingers unlaced themselves from mine. His hands fell to his sides.
    “Jump,” I said again. “Leave the Order if you hate it so much. Pledge yourself to chaos, fight against their commands—do some thing to change your fate. Become a Rebel.” I grabbed his hands again. “You could be happy , Devin. Have you ever been happy?”
    “No,” Devin said, backing away. “That’s impossible. No, I could never. I couldn’t just turn my back—”
    “But think about it—”
    “What you’re asking of me is enormous—”
    “You wouldn’t have to adhere to their rules anymore.” I wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him. “You’d be free!”
    “Rules are all I know.” He said it fiercely, and for a second, I swore that the fine layer of ice in his eyes shattered with the effort it took to control himself. His hands were curled tightly into fists, shaking by his sides. “I wouldn’t know how to live without them.”
    “But you’d figure it out!” I gasped. “That’s all we can ever do, Devin!”
    His fists shook harder and then his arms—as if it took more effort than he could exert to hold them down—and before I knew it they had flown up to grab me by the shoulders and pull me to him tightly.
    “Why?” he growled. The anger that boiled below the surface of his voice was terrifying. I had seen him yell at me plenty of times, but this—the depth of this—was something new. “Why do you care about this so much? Why do you care about me ? I failed you. I could do it again. You shouldn’t trust me.” His voice broke on the word trust , and our bodies were so close that I could feel a shudder wrench through him. “You deserve so much better!”
    “You believed in me,” I said. “When I didn’t believe in myself, when I didn’t think I could make wind or rain or bring a flower back to life, you knew I had it in me.” His grasp on my shoulders tightened, just barely—but something new was stirring in his eyes. “Well, I believe in you, too. I know you could live a far better life as a Rebel than you ever could as a Guardian. And—I miss you.” I’d said it. The words I’d been denying to myself since I woke up in the cabin. They were words I’d been longing to say for so long, and they’d come flying out of my mouth before I had a chance to stop them.
    Devin looked like he hadn’t heard me right. “What did you say?”
    “What?” I tried hard not to laugh. “No one’s ever missed you before?”
    “No,” he said simply. “No one.”
    And then it was like the force of the world was at his wings, pulling him toward me. And his lips neared mine, and his hands were running through my hair, and his body was pushing me