A Game of Thrones 4-Book Bundle

“I’m about to eat.”
    â€œDoes the thought of facing the Stark boy unman you, Tyrion? Your brother Jaime would be eager to come to grips with him.”
    â€œI’d sooner come to grips with that pig. Robb Stark is not half so tender, and he never smelled as good.”
    Lord Lefford, the sour bird who had charge of their stores and supplies, leaned forward. “I hope your savages do not share your reluctance, else we’ve wasted our good steel on them.”
    â€œMy savages will put your steel to excellent use, my lord,” Tyrion replied. When he had told Lefford he needed arms and armor to equip the three hundred men Ulf had fetched down out of the foothills, you would have thought he’d asked the man to turn his virgin daughters over to their pleasure.
    Lord Lefford frowned. “I saw that great hairy one today, the one who insisted that he must have
two
battle-axes, the heavy black steel ones with twin crescent blades.”
    â€œShagga likes to kill with either hand,” Tyrion said as a trencher of steaming pork was laid in front of him.
    â€œHe still had that wood-axe of his strapped to his back.”
    â€œShagga is of the opinion that three axes are even better than two.” Tyrion reached a thumb and forefinger into the salt dish, and sprinkled a healthy pinch over his meat.
    Ser Kevan leaned forward. “We had a thought to put you and your wildlings in the vanguard when we come to battle.”
    Ser Kevan seldom “had a thought” that Lord Tywin had not had first. Tyrion had skewered a chunk of meat on the point of his dagger and brought it to his mouth. Now he lowered it. “The vanguard?” he repeated dubiously.Either his lord father had a new respect for Tyrion’s abilities, or he’d decided to rid himself of his embarrassing get for good. Tyrion had the gloomy feeling he knew which.
    â€œThey seem ferocious enough,” Ser Kevan said.
    â€œFerocious?” Tyrion realized he was echoing his uncle like a trained bird. His father watched, judging him, weighing every word. “Let me tell you how ferocious they are. Last night, a Moon Brother stabbed a Stone Crow over a sausage. So today as we made camp three Stone Crows seized the man and opened his throat for him. Perhaps they were hoping to get the sausage back, I couldn’t say. Bronn managed to keep Shagga from chopping off the dead man’s cock, which was fortunate, but even so Ulf is demanding blood money, which Conn and Shagga refuse to pay.”
    â€œWhen soldiers lack discipline, the fault lies with their lord commander,” his father said.
    His brother Jaime had always been able to make men follow him eagerly, and die for him if need be. Tyrion lacked that gift. He bought loyalty with gold, and compelled obedience with his name. “A
bigger
man would be able to put the fear in them, is that what you’re saying, my lord?”
    Lord Tywin Lannister turned to his brother. “If my son’s men will not obey his commands, perhaps the vanguard is not the place for him. No doubt he would be more comfortable in the rear, guarding our baggage train.”
    â€œDo me no kindnesses, Father,” he said angrily. “If you have no other command to offer me, I’ll lead your van.”
    Lord Tywin studied his dwarf son. “I said nothing about command. You will serve under Ser Gregor.”
    Tyrion took one bite of pork, chewed a moment, and spit it out angrily. “I find I am not hungry after all,” he said, climbing awkwardly off the bench. “Pray excuse me, my lords.”
    Lord Tywin inclined his head, dismissing him. Tyrion turned and walked away. He was conscious of their eyes on his back as he waddled down the hill. A great gust of laughter went up from behind him, but he did not look back. He hoped they all choked on their suckling pigs.
    Dusk had settled, turning all the banners black. The Lannister camp sprawled for miles between the river andthe kingsroad. In amongst the men and the horses and the trees, it was easy to get lost, and Tyrion did. He passed a dozen great pavilions and a hundred cookfires. Fireflies drifted amongst the tents like wandering stars. He caught the scent of garlic sausage, spiced and savory, so tempting it made his empty stomach growl. Away in the distance, he heard voices raised in some bawdy song. A giggling woman raced past him, naked beneath a dark cloak, her drunken pursuer stumbling over