A Malazan Book of the Fallen Collection 3

not fair, that's what it is. Not fair. You won't understand. It's not a problem you have. I mean, what am I? Am I to be nothing but a toy? Just because I have a big—'
    'Hold on a moment,' Tehol cut in. 'Let's see if I fully understand you, Ublala. You feel they're just using you. Interested only in your, uh, attributes. All they want from you is sex. No commitment, no loyalty even. They're happy taking turns with you, taking no account of your feelings, your sensitive nature. They probably don't even want to cuddle afterwards or make small talk, right?'
    Ublala nodded.
    'And all that is making you miserable?'
    He nodded again, snuffling, his lower lip protruding, his broad mouth downturned at the corners, a muscle twitching in his right cheek.
    Tehol stared for a moment longer, then he tossed up his hands. 'Ublala! Don't you understand? You're in a man's paradise! What all the rest of us can only dream about!'
    'But I want something more!'
    'No! You don't! Trust me! Bugg, don't you agree? Tell him!'
    Bugg frowned, then said, 'It is as Tehol says, Ublala. Granted, a tragic truth, and granted, Master's nature is to revel in tragic truths, which to many might seem unusual, unhealthy even—'
    'Thanks for the affirmation, Bugg,' Tehol interrupted with a scowl. 'Go clean up, will you?' He faced Ublala again. 'You are at the pinnacle of male achievement, my friend – wait! Did you say it's not a problem I have? What did you mean by that?'
    Ublala blinked. 'What? Uh, are you at that pinnacle, or whatever you called it – are you at it too?'
    Bugg snorted. 'He hasn't been at it in months.'
    'Well, that's it!' Tehol stormed to the hearth and plucked out what was left of the matted reeds. He stamped out the flames, then picked the charred object up and set it on his head. 'All right, Bugg, let's go and get her. As for this brainless giant here, he can mope around all alone in here, for all I care. How many insults can a sensitive man like me endure, anyway?'
    Wisps of smoke drifted from the reeds on Tehol's head.
    'That's about to take flame again, master.'
    'Well, that's what's good about rain, then, isn't it? Let's go.'
    Outside in the narrow aisle, water streamed ankle-deep towards the clogged drain at the far end, where a small lake was forming. Bugg a half-step in the lead, they sloshed their way across its swirling, rain-pocked expanse.
    'You should be more sympathetic to Ublala, master,' Bugg said over a shoulder. 'He's a very unhappy man.'
    'Sympathy belongs to the small-membered, Bugg. Ublala has three women drooling all over him, or have you forgotten?'
    'That's a rather disgusting image.'
    'You've been too old too long, dear servant. There's nothing inherently disgusting about drool.' He paused, then said, 'All right, maybe there is. However, do we have to talk about sex? That subject makes me nostalgic.'
    'Errant forbid.'
    'So, where is she?'
    'In a brothel.'
    'Oh, now that's really pathetic.'
    'More like a newly acquired raging addiction, master. The more she feeds it, the hungrier it gets.'
    They crossed Turol Avenue and made their way into the Prostitutes' District. The downpour was diminishing, the tail ends of the storm front streaming overhead. 'Well,' Tehol commented, 'that is not a desirable condition for one of my most valued employees. Especially since her addiction doesn't include her handsome, elegant boss. Something tells me it should have been me weeping in a corner back there, not Ublala.'
    'It may simply be a case of Shurq not wanting to mix business with pleasure.'
    'Bugg, you told me she's in a brothel.'
    'Oh. Right. Sorry.'
    'Now I'm truly miserable. I wasn't miserable this morning. If the trend continues, by dusk I'll be swimming the canal with bags of coins around my neck.'
    'Here we are.'
    They stood before a narrow, three-storey tenement, set slightly in from the adjoining buildings and looking a few centuries older than anything else on the street. The front facing held a carved façade around two square, inset columns of dusty blue marble. Decidedly female demons in bas-relief, contorted and writhing in a mass orgy, crowded the panels, and atop the columns crouched stone gargoyles with enormous breasts held high and inviting.
    Tehol turned to Bugg. 'This is the Temple. She's in the Temple?'
    'Does that surprise you?'
    'I can't even afford to step across the threshold. Even Queen Janall frequents this place but a few times a year. Annual membership dues are ten thousand docks ... I've