A Malazan Book of the Fallen Collection 3

our way to the pickets, I'm done waiting here.'
    'You're headed the wrong way, Sergeant!'
    'Lead on, then! Who designed this damned camp, anyway?
None of it makes any sense!'
    Behind them, Sergeant Moak made to step after them,
but his corporal, Stacker, pulled him back. 'It's all right,
Sergeant. I heard about this from my da. It's the Confusion.
Comes to some before a battle. They lose track – of everything.
It should settle down once the fighting starts – but
sometimes it don't, and if that's the case with Balm, then
it's his squad that's doomed, not us.'
    'You sure about all that, Stacker?'
    'Yeah. Remember Fist Garnet? Listen. It's all right. We
should check our weapons, one last time.'
    Moak sheathed his knife. 'Good idea, get them on it,
then.'
    Twenty paces away, Deadsmell fell in step alongside his
sergeant. 'Smart, all that back there. You was losing bad.
Faking the Confusion, well, Sergeant, I'm impressed.'
    Balm stared at the man. Who was he again? And what
was he blathering on about? What language was the fool
speaking, anyway?
     
    'I got no appetite,' Lutes said, tossing the chunk of bread
away. A camp dog closed in, collected the food and
scampered off. 'I feel sick,' the soldier continued.
    'You ain't the only one,' Maybe said. 'I'm in there first,
you know. Us sappers. Rest of you got it easy. We got to set
charges, meaning we're running with cussers and crackers
over rough ground, climbing rubble, probably under fire
from the walls. Then, down at the foot of the wall and
Hood knows what's gonna pour down on us. Boiling water,
oil, hot sand, bricks, offal, barrack-buckets. So it's raining
down. Set the munitions. Acid on the wax – too much and
we all go up right there and then. Dozens of sappers,
and any one of 'em makes a mistake, or some piece of rock
drops smack onto a munition. Boom! We're as good as dead
already, if you ask me. Bits of meat. Tomorrow morning the
crows will come down and that's that. Send word to my
family, will you? Maybe was blown to bits at Y'Ghatan,
that's all. No point in going into the gory details – hey,
where you going? Gods below, Lutes, do your throwing up
outa my sight, will you? Hood take us, that's awful. Hey,
Balgrid! Look! Our squad healer's heaving his guts out!'
     
    Gesler, Strings, Cuttle, Truth and Pella sat around the
dying coals of a hearth, drinking tea.
    'They're all losing their minds with this waiting,' Gesler
said.
    'I get just as bad before every battle,' Strings admitted.
'Cold and loose inside, if you know what I mean. It never
goes away.'
    'But you settle once it's begun,' Cuttle said. 'We all do,
'cause we've done this before. We settled, and we know we
settle. Most of these soldiers, they don't know nothing of
the sort. They don't know how they'll be once the fighting
starts. So they're all terrified they'll curl up into cringing
cowards.'
    'Most of them probably will,' Gesler said.
    'I don't know about that, Sergeant,' Pella said. 'Saw
plenty of soldiers just like these ones at Skullcup. When
the rebellion hit, well, they fought and they fought well, all
things considered.'
    'Outnumbered.'
    'Yes.'
    'So they died.'
    'Most of them.'
    'That's the thing with war,' Gesler said. 'Ain't nearly as
many surprises, when all's said and done, as you might think.
Or hope. Heroic stands usually end up with not a single hero
left standing. Held out longer than expected, but the end was
the same anyway. The end's always the same.'
    'Abyss below, Gesler,' Strings said, 'ain't you a cheery
one.'
    'Just being realistic, Fid. Damn, I wish Stormy was here,
now it's up to me to keep an eye on my squad.'
    'Yes,' Cuttle said, 'that's what sergeants do.'
    'You suggesting Stormy should've been sergeant and me
corporal?'
    'Now why would I do that?' the sapper asked. 'You're
both just as bad as each other. Now Pella here ...'
    'No thanks,' Pella said.
    Strings sipped his tea. 'Just make sure everybody sticks
together. Captain wants us on the tip of the spear, as fast
and as far in as we can get – the rest will just have to catch
up. Cuttle?'
    'Once the wall's blown I'll pull our sappers together and
we meet you inside the breach. Where's Borduke right
now?'
    'Went for a walk. Seems his squad got into some kind of
sympathetic heaves. Borduke got disgusted and stormed
off.'
    'So long as everybody's belly is empty by the time we get
the call,' Cuttle said. 'Especially Maybe.'
    'Especially maybe,' Gesler said, with a low laugh. 'That's
a good one. You've made my day,