A Man Named Dave

by and simply gave them away. So, tell me, tell me just who in the hell gave you the right to march in and –”
    “You did!” I interrupted. “When you didn’t visit him. When you deliberately went out of your way not to lift a finger. When you let the father of your children, your husband, someone you’ve known for years, rot away in a deathbed for months. You did nothing to help, but everything you could do to make him feel unworthy and isolated,” I fired back, venting my anguish over Father’s treatment. “Whatever I did, I did my best. At least I would have had the decency to give Father a proper burial service. I don’t know why you … you hate everybody and everything so much!
    “You think you’re the only one who’s been through hell? You’re the source. You made everyone’s, every single person’s life a living nightmare, and you thoroughly enjoyed it. You relished it. You had everything. You blew it. Not me, not Father, Grandma, the teachers, the neighbors, your friends, Uncle Dan, Ron, Stan, Russell, or Kevin. It’s not my fault, not then as a kid, and not now! Father deserved better. No matter all the fights, his fault or yours, he deserved better!”
    “Why, you pompous, filthy piece of …” Mother muttered under her breath. Again she raised a hand to strike me down.
    “Don’t you even think about it!” I shot back. “Know this,” I stated in a low, clear voice, “everything you’ve done to me, to Father, to everyone, will come back to you. The pain, the suffering, the hell … everything!”
    “Don’t you – you … try and change the subject,” Mother fumbled. “One of the nurses … told me … he said he saw you … go through his jacket pockets stealing the papers.”
    Papers? I truly had no idea what Mother had been ranting about. Unless she was referring to when I was first searching for his badge in the hospital… and found a set of documents and stuffed them into my back pocket near my wallet. My only concern had been for Father’s badge. In all the chaos of dealing with Mother, Grandmother, and the lack of sleep, let alone Father’s needs, I had stupidly forgotten to look over the papers. For all I knew …
    My facial expression must have given me away. “Yeah,” I hesitated, “I have ’em. I didn’t mean to … I mean, I meant to give them –”
    “Shut up and give me the fuckin’ papers!” Mother ordered.
    I could only guess that the papers were some gigantic insurance policy that Father had taken out years ago. Part of me wanted to whip out the papers and watch Mother grovel on her hands and knees as I ripped them to shreds. After years of enduring Mother’s misery, head games, and torture, I now had control over something she desperately craved. I now called the shots. But as I stood in front of this pitiful wreck, I realized that my passing fantasy was not the outcome Father would have intended. In all, I still had the prize of prizes. But by withholding the documents, I thought I would somehow discredit whatever dignity Father had. No matter how many times Mother had plotted to kill me, stooping to her level was something I could not do.
    “Here,” I said as I unfolded and presented her the papers. “It was a mistake. I forgot I had them. Really, I did. I never meant to keep anything from you. I would have given them to –”
    In a flash Mother snatched the papers. The only time she ever moved with such speed was years ago when she used to beat me. Her eyes sparkled and she sighed with relief. “And now, young man, I indeed have everything I will ever need.”
    “You lose,” I smiled.
    “What?” Mother asked as she leafed through the papers.
    “All those years you tried your best to break me, and I’m still here. Father’s finally free, Ron’s in the service, and soon the boys will move out on their own. I’m a good person. I try my best in everything I set out to do. I make mistakes, I screw up, but I learn. I don’t blame others for my problems. I stand on my own. And one day you’ll see, I’m going to make something out of myself. Whether I dig ditches or flip burgers for the air force, I’ll be the best, and somehow, some way, I won’t waste my life away. If you taught me anything, you taught me that.” Turning, I saw Mother’s boys milling around at a safe distance with a small group of adults. I took a half step forward and pointed a finger in Mother’s reddened face. “Stay away from me. Everything you’ve done to others …” I stopped as my voice quavered. I could feel whatever energy I had