A Song for Julia

back, out of sight, then took her coat to the closet and hung it up. My dad called upstairs, “Sean! Julia’s here!” as if there had been no blow up before, no discussion, no heartfelt confessions. I went up the stairs. If Sean had his headphones on or was playing a game, he wouldn’t hear.
    As I suspected, he was sitting at his computer, headphones on. I knocked on the doorframe and waved at him. He popped one earphone off and I said, “She’s here.”
    He nodded then popped the headphones back on.
    Whatever. I wasn’t in the mood to chase him too.
    The doorbell rang again. That would be either Mrs. Doyle or my mother. For years, Dad had been hosting Saturday night dinners for anyone who would come. This week, it was Sunday, in honor of the fact that he wasn’t going to be here next week, or any week in the near future. Tony would be here tonight for sure.
    It was my mom. “Hey, Mom,” I said. I still felt … very awkward. She was moving back into the house after her lease ran out in January and had promised to be around before then. But five years of anger and disappointment didn’t just disappear. We were making small strides by being in the same room together.
    She hugged me, awkwardly. A few minutes later, Tony arrived and announced it was okay to start the party, and not long after that Mrs. Doyle joined us.
    Finally, everyone was seated at the table, and dad was serving, and it felt like every other Saturday night. Except that every once in a while, I felt like I had eyes on me, and I’d glance to Julia, and she was always looking somewhere else. Except once, I caught her and our eyes met, and I swallowed, trying to keep from jumping out of my chair, because looking in her eyes was bringing out the worst in me. Especially because, despite the fact that she was smiling and laughing with everyone, something about it seemed fake. The laughter didn’t reach her eyes.
    I wanted it to. More than anything, I wanted her to be happy.
    Dad was right, but as I looked at her, I realized there was one thing he forgot. It was one thing to let her go. Okay. I could buy that. It was right. If she was going to be happier, then fine, I could live with it, even if it tore my heart out. But I wasn’t going to let her go without telling her exactly how I felt.
    After we finished, my dad cleared his throat, a sound that made me wince, and then he stood up. “All right, everybody pipe down a second.”
    Tony balled up a napkin and threw it at my dad. Dad made a fist, sticking one finger out and pointing it at Tony. “You too, bub.”
    We all quieted, and I watched my dad.
    “All right. I want to say a couple things to you. But first, Crank’s got some news. You want to tell them?”
    What. The. Hell? He seriously wanted me to announce that Julia and I had broken up? In front of everyone? I looked around, desperate, my eyes darting to Julia, and she flushed, her face going red. Then I saw some sense. What the hell? It was a measure of just how screwed up I was over Julia that the biggest news of my life had been overshadowed by her.
    I took a deep breath. “Okay, so this week Julia took over managing the band.”
    Tony let out an obnoxious cheer and I said, “That wasn’t really the news.”
    “Huh,” Tony said and took a long drink of his beer.
    “The news is, on Friday, she negotiated a recording contract. A big one. We’re opening for Allen Roark on his summer tour.”
    That elicited gasps, then real cheers from Tony and my mom and Mrs. Doyle. My mom turned and hugged Julia, then said, “I’m so proud of you!”
    “We couldn’t have done it without her,” I said. “I still can’t believe how fast it all went down.”
    “All right,” Dad said. “Anyway, what I wanted to say was … this … you guys are my family. All of you.” He said the last as his eyes went to Tony, Mrs. Doyle, and finally Julia. “Julia, I know we’ve only known each other for a couple of months. But I want you to know, I think of you like a daughter. You’re always welcome in my home.”
    His eyes glanced toward me, and I wasn’t sure how to translate whatever the hell he was trying to say. Was it … here, Crank, I’m doing you a favor by inviting her over? Or was it, don’t screw it up, Crank, because she’s here no matter what you think? I didn’t really have any way of knowing.
    “Anyway, enough of all that. You all know I’m headed out in the morning. Hopefully this won’t take too long, and they’ll find