A Song for Julia

expected. For the last four years, ever since the day my once best friend decided to sabotage my life, I’d heard this over and over again from my mother. She never asked me what had actually happened. She never offered a bit of sympathy. She never did anything but try to grind me into the dust.
    I’d finally had enough.
    “Please don’t call me again,” I said.
    I didn’t wait for an answer. I simply, quietly hung the phone up. I took a deep breath, staring at it, knowing it would ring again within a minute. But it didn’t. After a few moments, Jemi said, “I found the phone out on the Quad.”
    “I’m sorry about that,” I said. I felt unaccountably sad. I wanted to cry, and I didn’t understand why.
    “I’m worried about you,” Jemi said.
    I looked up at her, startled.
    She set her textbook down beside her. “I know we’ve never been close …” she said.
    “I’ve never been close to anyone,” I replied.
    Her eyebrows pressed down, close to each other, and she said, “Maybe it’s time you tried.”
    I spread my hands out and opened my mouth, as if I was going to say something, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know what to say. Or how.
    “Sit down,” she said, patting the couch. I thought for just a second, and then I walked over and sat with her.
    “You know we’ve been suitemates for three years,” she said, “and I still don’t know anything really personal about you.”
    It was true. I didn’t know a lot about her either.
    I took a deep breath. “I have a hard time trusting people.”
    “I do, too,” Jemi replied. “That’s why we should team up. Adriana and Linden would tell their life story to a stranger on the sidewalk.”
    I snorted. “It’s true.”
    “So … let me ask you a question.” She leaned close to me as she spoke.
    “Okay,” I replied.
    “Everyone’s read that Maria Clawson blog … your ex-boyfriend, um … emailed it to just about everyone.”
    I groaned.
    “Are you and Crank Wilson involved? Is that why you were so upset last night?”
    “The blog is all bullshit,” I said. “She made almost all of it up.”
    “The kiss in that photo looked very convincing,” Jemi said. Her tone was so serious that I couldn’t help but giggle.
    “Um, yeah, we did kiss.”
    She grinned. “You really should have told me.”
    I shrugged. “It … it doesn’t really matter. I mean—it’s not like, um …” I was at a loss.
    She raised her eyebrows. “It’s okay. So what happened last night?”
    “Um, well … I kind of wrecked Crank’s car. And then drove him home, and stayed there, and now I’m home.”
    She looked stunned. “You stayed at his place last night?”
    “Well, no, at his father’s house. He had to watch his brother.”
    She raised an eyebrow, and I spoke again. “I slept on the couch.”
    “You’re not serious.”
    “Of course I’m serious!”
    Her expression shifted, and she got a wicked grin on her face. Then she said, “Well, that was certainly a waste.”
    “Oh, God,” I said, burying my face in my hands.
    She laughed a little. “So why is your mother calling every five minutes? Why did you throw the phone out the window?”
    I opened my mouth. And I almost told her. I almost did. But all I could see was Lana. My best friend through high school. We got in a fight, the last week of junior year. My last week in China. In the end, the fight was about nothing at all. But she’d gotten to the point where she couldn’t say goodbye. Maybe we all do after a while. I deal with that by not getting close. She dealt it with it by smashing things. So she sent out an email to the entire junior class, detailing what had happened between Harry and me. She’d taken the biggest hurt and damage in my life and turned it into gossip. The kind of vicious gossip that can ruin lives.
    I looked at Jemi, and I don’t know what I was thinking, because I said, “I can’t. I’m sorry I can’t talk about it. I can’t ever talk about anything again.” And I was mortified, because I started crying. Really crying, because what I really wanted, what I wanted more than anything in the world right now, was my mom. And I couldn’t have her.
    “Oh, Julia, what happened to you?” Jemi whispered.
    That was all it took. I let out a moan, curled up on the couch, and cried like I hadn’t in years. Jemi slid over next to me and put her hand on my shoulder, and let me cry until I thought I was going to die.

    Okay, a lot weird (Crank)
    You wouldn’t think