A Song for Julia

parents separate, always wonder if it was their fault.
    But I’ve got pretty good reason to suspect it was mine.
    After a few seconds, she answered him. “I think you should consider it. One of the things we have to learn to do in life is forgive people. And that’s hard. But when you forgive someone, it helps you as much as it does them. Probably more.”
    “Do you think she’ll forgive me?” he asked.
    “For what you said to her?”
    “No. For having Asperger’s.”
    She took in a sharp breath. Jesus, that poor screwed up kid. Why did he think he needed forgiveness for being who he was? She didn’t jump in with an off the cuff, immediate answer. She didn’t say some empty phrase to reassure him. Instead, she thought about it and said, “I don’t know your mom, Sean. But anyone can see she loves you. I think it’s a start.”
    “I’ll be down in a few minutes, then.”
    “Okay,” she said. “I’ll give you some time alone.”
    She leaned forward and rose from her sitting position. Then she stopped and turned toward him, knelt down, and kissed him on the top of his head.
    I should have walked away, instead of standing there, obviously eavesdropping. As she approached the door, I heard Sean say to her, “Julia, will you be my friend? Even if you and Crank don’t end up …” He trailed off, unable to articulate whatever it was he’d intended to say.
    She answered that immediately. “Sean … I can’t get involved with your brother. He’s … the one thing I have left in life is control. And I can’t give that up. But being your friend? I already am.”
    Then she stepped out into the hall and nearly walked into me.
    Immediately her face flashed fear. Not anger, which I expected. Rage, that I’d been eavesdropping, that I expected. Especially anger that I’d heard her secrets, that I’d heard her fear of loss of control. But instead, her eyes went wide when she saw me. It was definitely fear.
    “How much of that did you hear?” she whispered.
    “Too much,” I replied.
    She took a deep breath and looked me in the eye. She spoke quietly, but firmly. She was giving an order, her lips tight, her tone of voice demanding. “I don’t need to say anything about you and me. But your brother—I’m his friend. Don’t you dare get in the way of that.”
    And then she walked around me, back straight, her shoulders thrown back, and went down the stairs.
    I stood there for a few more seconds, watching her go. And I couldn’t do anything but admire her courage, her compassion. I wanted her. I wanted her so badly I was shaking. And for the first time since I was a preteen, standing up on a stage and shouting obscenities wasn’t going to get me what I wanted.
    I had no idea what to do.

CHAPTER TEN

    A little shaky (Julia)
    It was time for me to go. I’d butted my way into one too many family arguments already tonight, but something about Sean made me fiercely protective. He was a good kid—a nice kid who had been through way too much and didn’t even understand why other people thought he was odd.
    My stomach turned at the thought that Crank had overheard my discussion with Sean. That he knew what Harry had done to me. I never discussed it with anyone. Ever. Once I had with Lana. She was the only person in the world other than Harry and me who knew the whole story, and look what she’d done. She’d used it to hurt me.
    I hadn’t planned on suddenly trusting anyone. But this was much worse—I certainly hadn’t planned on trusting someone with it unintentionally. And while I was intrigued by Crank and more than a little attracted to him, I didn’t trust him. Handsome, charming man? No. Never again.
    Mrs. Doyle was gone when I got back downstairs. Jack, Tony and Margot were sitting at the kitchen table, a beer in front of each of them. It was six o’clock already, dark outside and probably cold as hell, and I’d taken the T to South Boston rather than driving. Which meant I’d have to get a ride from Crank back to Broadway Station when he came back downstairs. I could walk it, but as cold as it was outside, I really, really didn’t want to.
    Maybe I could get a ride with Tony instead.
    “Sit down, grab a beer,” Jack said to me.
    Tony leaned over toward the fridge, still in his seat, and pulled a bottle of beer out for me. I twisted the top off and took a seat. I would need to go soon, but at the very least, I had to wait until Sean and Crank came back down.
    “I want to