Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

hair and overpriced jeans and dark glasses. This guy whose eyes I’d never seen. Whom I hardly knew. I wanted to tell him everything. It just came out, like he’d dislodged a stone that had been stuck in my mouth for years—a stone that kept all of my secrets held back in a reservoir. Losing my mom when I was a kid. The problems with my dad. Running away. My writing. My doubts. The annoying certainty that there was more than this. Our struggles with money. My struggles with depression. The times I thought about running away. The times I thought about killing myself.
I hardly remember saying half of it. Maybe I didn’t.
At some point, I asked Henry to read my unfinished novel. I was appalled by the thought of him or anyone reading it. I was even appalled by the idea of reading it myself. But I asked him anyway.
“No need,” he answered.
It was (to that point) the strangest conversation of my life. By the time Henry excused himself and left, I felt like I’d covered ten miles in a flat-out sprint.
It was never that way again. The next time he came in, we exchanged the expected pleasantries; nothing more. Have a good one. See you next time. He bought his soap and shoe polish. He paid cash. This went on. He came in less and less.
When Henry came in for the last time, in January of 2008, he carried a small package—wrapped in brown paper and tied up with twine. Without a word, he set it next to the register. His gray sweater and crimson scarf were lightly dusted with snow, and his sunglasses speckled with tiny water droplets. He didn’t bother taking them off. This didn’t surprise me. There was a white envelope on top of the package with my name written on it—some of the ink had mixed with melting snow and begun to bleed.
I reached under the counter and killed the volume on the little TV I kept there for Yankees games. Today it was tuned to the news. It was the morning of the Iowa primary, and Barack Obama was running neck and neck with Hillary Clinton. Anything to pass the time.
“I would like you to have this.”
For a moment, I looked at him like he’d said that in Norwegian.
“Wait, this is for me? What’s the—”
“I’m sorry, but I have a car waiting. Read the note first. I’ll be in touch.”
And that was it. I watched him walk out the door and into the cold, wondering if he ever let anyone finish a sentence, or if it was just me.
II
The package sat under the counter for the rest of the day. I was dying to open the damned thing, but since I had no idea who this guy really was, I wasn’t about to risk unwrapping a blow-up doll or kilo of black tar heroin at the same moment some Girl Scout decided to walk in. I let my curiosity burn until the streets turned dark and Mrs. Kallop finally settled on the darker of the green yarns (after an excruciating ninety minutes of debate), then locked the doors a few minutes early. To hell with the stragglers tonight. Christmas was over, and it was deadly slow anyway. Besides, everybody was home watching the Obama-Hillary drama play out in Iowa. I decided to sneak a cigarette in the basement before heading home to catch the results. I picked up Henry’s gift, killed the fluorescents, and cranked up the TV’s speaker. If there was any election news, I’d hear it echoing down the staircase.
There wasn’t much to the basement. Other than a few boxes of overflow inventory against the walls, it was a mostly empty room with a filthy concrete floor and a single hanging forty-watt bulb. There was an old metal “tanker” desk against one wall with the inventory computer on it, a two-drawer file cabinet where we kept some records, and a couple of folding chairs. A water heater. A fuse panel. Two small windows that peeked into the alley above. More than anything, it was where I smoked during the cold winter months. I pulled a folding chair up to the desk, lit one, and began to untie the twine at the top of the neatly wrapped—
The letter.
The thought just popped in there, like one of those brilliant ideas or observations I kept the notebook around for. I was supposed to read the letter first. I found the Swiss Army key chain in my pants pocket ($7.20 plus tax—cheaper than you’ll find anywhere else in Dutchess County, guaranteed) and opened the envelope with a flick of the wrist. Inside was a single folded piece of gleaming white paper with a list of names and addresses typed out on one side. On the other, a handwritten note:
There are some conditions I must