Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost.
—Abraham Lincoln, in a letter to Mrs. Lydia Bixby,
mother of two sons killed in the Civil War
November 21st, 1864

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
I
New Salem hadn’t grown as quickly as Denton Offutt hoped; in fact, it may have lost a few residents in the months after he opened the store. The Sangamon was still a long way from being “the next Mississippi.” Navigation remained a treacherous affair, and all but a few steamboats remained trapped in the wider waters to the south, with all of their precious customers and cargo. It didn’t help matters that New Salem had a second general store closer to the center of the settlement, siphoning off customers before they’d even had a chance to reach his front door. By the time the ice began to break on the sluggish Sangamon in the spring of 1832, Offutt’s store had failed, and Abe was out of a job. His anger is evident in an entry dated March 27th.
Bade farewell to [Offutt] this morning, the last of the goods having been sold or traded; my belongings were moved to the Herndon place until such time as I am able to make other arrangements. I care not that he has gone. I feel no sadness at his leaving, and feel not tempted in the slightest to follow his listless example. I have never known idle hands, and shall not know them now. I resolve to remain. I shall prosper yet.
As always, Abe was true to his word. He did whatever it took to make money: Splitting rails. Clearing land. Building sheds. His relationship with the Clary’s Grove Boys paid its first dividends, too, in the form of the odd jobs they intimidated locals into giving him. He even found work as an “ax man” on one of the few steamboats making its way up the Sangamon, standing on its bow and chopping away any obstructions that slowed its struggle north. And through it all, he never stopped hunting.
I have given a great deal of thought to what the barkeep said. Have I ever wondered why Henry takes such an interest in hunting vampires? Have I ever wondered why he sends me in his stead? I admit that I have spent many an hour perplexed by these questions. Wondering if perhaps there is some deeper truth in them. That I am the sworn enemy of vampires doing the bidding of a vampire? There is no eluding this fact, nor the paradox inherent in it. That I am being used to further the unseen ends of one vampire in particular? I must admit the possibility. Yet after deliberating the whole, I have come to this conclusion:
It matters not.
If indeed I am nothing more than Henry’s servant, so be it. So long as the result is fewer vampires, I shall serve happily.
Henry’s letters began to arrive more frequently, and Abe ventured out when they did. But he didn’t venture alone.
I have found in Jack an able and eager hunting companion, and have endevored [sic] to share with him the whole of my knowledge with regard to destroying vampires (I needn’t teach him anything of quickness or bravery, for he enjoys a surplus of both). I am thankful for the help, for Henry’s letters have been coming so frequently that I find myself running from one end of the state to the other.
One night Abe found himself running through the streets of Decatur with a bloodied ax in his hands, Jack beside him with a crossbow. No more than ten paces ahead of them, a bald man made a beeline for the Sangamon River. The right side of his shirt was soaked with blood, and his right arm was dangling by his side, attached to his body by nothing more than a few bits of sinew and skin.
We ran past a pair of gentlemen on the street. They watched our little procession speed by, yelling after us: “You there! Stop at once!” What a sight we must have made! I could not help but laugh.
Abe and Jack chased the one-armed man to the water’s edge.
He dove in and disappeared beneath the black water. Jack would have gone in after him had I not grabbed him by the collar and yelled “no!” with what little voice I had left. Jack stood on the bank, gasping for breath and pointing his crossbow at every bubble that surfaced.
“I told you to wait for my signal!” yelled Abe.
“We would have been waiting all damned night!”
“Well, now we’ve lost him!”
“Shut up and keep a sharp eye! He has to come up for air sooner or later….”
Abe looked at Jack, his fury surrendering to a quizzical smile… then to laughter.
“Yes,”