Alien in the Family

you she’d like it.”
    Martini shrugged. “Nice to be sure.”
    Christopher hugged me. “Congratulations again.”
    “Thanks. Why is the world here?”
    “Well, on our side, nobody blew up, and we occasionally like to celebrate that kind of success. On your side, they like our side, and the vodka martinis are reputed to be great.” Christopher grinned at my expression. “Seriously. Your mother’s still having a little trouble with Aunt Lucinda, but your grandmothers are getting along with her like they’ve known each other all their lives.” He looked to Martini. “Your sisters and their husbands are here. The kids aren’t.”
    Martini sighed. “Pity. I’d like to see them .”
    “Yeah, me too. Reynolds is dealing with the guys, though. Amazingly enough, they don’t seem to bother him.”
    “He spent junior high and high school being attacked by big jocks. He knows what makes them tick. And how to deflect them.”
    “Yes, Reynolds walks on water. Got it. Let’s get in and be seen before we get bawled out for being late.” Martini took my hand and led me through to the back. This didn’t go quickly. Every relative of mine we passed had to have an introduction.
    My mother’s sister, Karen, spotted us, and the ring, when we were about halfway in. I loved her, but she had a big voice and used it to share with all that Martini was indeed going to make an honest woman out of me.
    We were mobbed. Fortunately, my entire family was aware that I liked smaller stones, but even so, I heard some comments about the size of the diamond. “Big stones look fake on my hands.” I repeated that at least a dozen times before I got a glimpse of my mother.
    She was way in the back with a woman I took to be Queen Renata, Martini’s parents, and both sets of my grandparents. Mom looked happy, but I knew her, and she was faking it. I pulled Martini’s head down. “Something’s up with Mom. We need to get over there.”
    “I could throw you, but otherwise, I think it’s going to take some time. Yes, sorry, we’ve been engaged for almost six months already.” This to my Aunt Ruth, who was reading Martini the riot act for us sending out wedding invitations before I had a ring. “Look, she’s wearing a ring.” He shoved my hand in Aunt Ruth’s face.
    “And not much else. Katherine Sarah Katt, what are you doing wearing next to nothing to your engagement party?” So much for Martini’s jacket providing adequate coverage. Oh, well, it’d been worth a shot.
    I opened my mouth to give some sort of reply, but Aunt Ruth barreled right on. “Not that I can tell it’s an engagement party . . . no decorations, no gifts, no engagement cake.” She shook her head. “I’ve never been to an engagement party without a lovely cake.”
    “Engagement party?” Christopher was on my other side, and he kicked my foot. “Ow!” Aunt Ruth’s eyebrow lifted, and I scrambled to recover. “Um, sorry about the cake, Aunt Ruth.” I’d never known she was an engagement cake aficionado, but the learning never seemed to stop for me.
    She rolled her eyes. “Charles explained it was impromptu, and the chef and staff didn’t have time for something proper. Honestly, I’m more upset by your attire or the lack thereof.”
    “Jeff bought this outfit for me.”
    She sniffed. “I’ll bet.”
    “It’s really expensive.”
    Aunt Ruth rolled her eyes. “Charles has money, too.” Oh, hell, there it was, out in the open. “Charles wouldn’t have waited six months to give you a ring. And he wouldn’t have dressed you like this.”
    “Wow, gotta get to Mom. Love you, Aunt Ruth, thanks for the stress.” I dragged Martini through the crowd.
    “What’s with ‘Charles has money, too’? I thought you said you two never dated!”
    “One fling for one week, Jeff, okay? But he’s been my friend since we were thirteen.”
    “I’ve been friends with a lot of women no one suggests I would be better off marrying.”
    “Aunt Ruth has views.”
    “What views are those?”
    “Chuckie would convert to Judaism if I asked him to.” Great, religion out in the open, too.
    “So? You don’t even go to temple!”
    “I don’t go to mass, either. Get ready, here comes Aunt Carla.”
    My mother’s other sister descended on us. I didn’t like her as well as Aunt Karen. “What’s this I hear about you two finally getting engaged?” She hugged me and gave Martini an obvious up and down. Then she looked at Christopher, who was still