Alien in the Family

father, yes, pretty much.” Mom took a deep breath. “Kitty, could you, perhaps, introduce Jeff and Christopher to your grandparents?”
    I was still holding both their hands, and as so many people, Chuckie included, had pointed out, Christopher had been more my type when I was in school. My Nona Maria beamed at him. “You must be the lucky boy who’s marrying our Katherine. I told you he’d be decent, Dominic.” This to my Nono Dom, sitting next to her.
    Nana Sadie nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, we’ve heard so much about you. See, Abraham? He’s a nice-looking boy.” My Papa Abe nodded with a bit less enthusiasm.
    I saw Mom put her face in her hands. Alfred was wincing. Even Queen Renata looked shocked and uncomfortable. Christopher and Martini both were stunned into silence. Me, I wanted to die. This was worse than anything I’d ever imagined. I knew it would be bad, but this . . . I was one more word away from bursting into tears and running screaming into the street—and Reader wasn’t here yet to stop me.
    For whatever reason—fate, karma, ironic justice—I made eye contact with Lucinda. I didn’t know what to expect to see in her expression—triumph, maybe hatred, disdain, victory. She smiled at me, but it wasn’t a vicious smile at all. It was warm and understanding. Then she winked at me and turned to my grandparents.
    “Your Kitty is such a lovely girl, and she had so many suitors, I’ll admit we were wondering if our nephew would win her. That’s our Christopher on Kitty’s right. But our Jeffrey seems to have managed to catch and keep her eye. That’s him on her left. I know he’s a little bulkier than you all seem to think Kitty’s attracted to, but you know, a woman’s tastes change as she gets out of school.”
    I could see my mother out of the corner of my eye. She sat back up and looked both shocked and relieved. Renata let out the breath she’d clearly been holding. Alfred looked as though he was finishing a prayer of thanks. I was still afraid to look at Martini.
    “Oh!” my grandmothers chorused. They both looked to my left and obviously checked Martini out.
    “Handsome boy,” Nana Sadie said.
    “Very. Tall, too. Big and strong.” Nona Maria beamed. “Should give our Katherine healthy babies.”
    “How many little ones are you planning?” Papa Abe asked. “And can you afford them? A man needs to support his wife and children.”
    Nono Dom nodded. “Our little kitten needs a big tomcat to take care of her and keep her under control.” He was serious, and I tried not to die of embarrassment. “You up to that?”
    I heard the best sound in the world right about now—Martini laughed. “Yeah, I think so. As for kids, I want a lot, but we figure we’ll take one at a time and see how it goes.”
    “How soon for the babies?” Nona Maria asked. Eagerly.
    “Um . . .”
    “Oh, soon. But, you know, not too soon.” Martini sounded completely at ease. I was still considering the benefits of spontaneous combustion.
    “We’re not getting any younger,” Nana Sadie said, rather sternly. “I want to see my great-grandchild before I die.”
    “Nana, you’ve been saying that for years. You have tons of great-grandchildren.”
    “Not from you. You’re my Solomon’s only child. I want to see your babies before God takes me home.”
    Nona Maria nodded her total agreement. “We’d hoped Angela would have given you some brothers and sisters. You need to have more than one baby, and soon.”
    “I liked being an only child.”
    “Children need siblings.” This from Papa Abe, who had strong views on this.
    Christopher cleared his throat. “Ah, I’m an only child, too.”
    “But you had Jeffrey,” Lucinda said with a small smile. “Christopher’s like our other son. We were so lucky the boys are the same age and always were each other’s closest friend.”
    “Cats need kittens to make a home.” Nono Dom had been making cat jokes since my mother had introduced her parents to my father. Right up until this evening I’d loved them. Now I was considering the benefits of calling myself Kathy.
    Martini leaned next to me. “Stop worrying. I like being your tomcat.”
    This was a relief, but it was clear my grandparents were willing to ask us about our reproductive choices for the foreseeable future. However, before they could continue, we were all interrupted by a shout from Lorraine. “James, what the hell are you doing out of your hospital bed?”
    I