Alien in the House

whole letter, but it’s very long. Very complimentary, very babbling, very unimportant sounding.”
    “So, read the code portion, if you’d be so kind.”
    He cleared his throat. “Have lost regular contact with Earth. Fear sabotage from enemies on your side. Civil and solar system unrest prevents our sending any support. Sending best warriors in system under the only viable option. Mother says they need training you can provide, also says their helping you is payment for training.”
    “I’m never wrong. Note, girls, that that was not a modest statement. So, okay, per that note, you’re here to help and do what you’re told. There are a variety of people here who will have the right to tell you what to do. I’m going to say their names, they’re going to raise their hands, and you’re going to remember who the hell they are.”
    They both looked lost and concerned, but they also both nodded.
    “Jeff, Chuckie, James, Tim, Paul. Get that girls?” More nods. “Great. The next group are the ones who you’d damn well better listen to and if they sound like what they’re asking is urgent, you will do what they say, too. Jerry, Matt, Chip, Pierre, Len, Kyle. Got that?”
    The princesses could not have looked more forlorn, but they nodded again. “Now, everyone else you see in this room are people you have to be incredibly civil, polite, and helpful to. You may question their motives and requests with me, or one of the men I just told you to listen to and obey, but you will not treat them badly unless we give you that order. Got that?”
    More forlorn nodding. This mission was
not
what they’d been expecting. Sucked to be them. “Last but not least, there are going to be many other people you’re going to meet. Some of them will fall into the ‘obey as you would me’ category, some will fall under the ‘damn well listen and help and even obey’ category, and most of the rest will fall under the ‘treat with the utmost respect’ category. Failure to treat any of these people in the way you’ve been told will be considered a black mark and I will report it back to your mother. In stunning, Technicolor detail. And if you really piss me off, I’ll be telling her that while I send your dead, mangled body back in a small bag marked Return To Sender, Merchandise Sucked. Now, can I get a ‘yes, ma’am, we understand,’ please?”
    “Yes, ma’am,” they said together, joined in unwilling and unhappy confirmation of the worst news in the world. “We understand.”
    “Good job. So, next up, it surely sounds like the plan is for you to be with us for a while. Pierre?”
    “I’ll prepare two visitor suites for our royal guests.” He was practically vibrating with excitement. It wasn’t every day we entertained royalty, if you ignored the fact that Jeff and Christopher were technically royal. They both did their best to ignore it, of course, and so did everyone else.
    “They fall on the more austere side of the house, Pierre.”
    Rahmi nodded. Rhee looked disappointed. She’d been disguised as a
Dynasty
extra, after all.
    “Well, I’ll prepare as we would for any other royal dignitary and then our two lovely princesses can tell me what isn’t pleasing in their sight.” With that, Pierre dashed off, presumably to completely redecorate two rooms, if not the entire Embassy. At least it was something positive for him to focus on.
    “You’ve made Pierre’s day. Good job and look at that, a ticky mark in the ‘well done’ category. It’s your first, so treasure it. Now, next up, you get to shape-shift back into looking human, but you’re going to dress like you’re from this decade. Nathalie, please help them look appropriate. Jeff and I need to change clothes. Girls, while I’m gone you’re not hitting anyone in this room unless they are actively trying to kill someone else, and ‘actively’ does not mean ‘looking at’ or ‘daring to be a man speaking.’”
    “You need to change quickly,” Brewer said, proving either his bravado or how well he’d thought I’d impressed the new reality upon the princesses. “Jeff’s due on the floor of the House in less than thirty minutes.”
    Jeff nodded, took my hand, and we zipped off and up to our apartment. “You sure it’s safe to leave them down there?” he asked as we raced into the bedroom and, most importantly, the closet.
    “Yeah.” Let out a sigh of relief. The Elves had come through again. Full outfits for both of us. I