Alien in the House

at me. “How do you mean?” Surly Vic asked.
    “Someone had to help him get the package into the UPS truck. And I’m here because I was chasing someone I thought was dead. Raul may actually have a paying assignment.”
    They both shook their heads. “He does not,” the Dingo said vehemently.
    “Oh, so it’s the old ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’ ploy, right?”
    The Dingo beamed at me, looking all proud. Even Surly Vic seemed impressed. Nice to know that I was considered Top of the Class by someone. It was always the folks on the wrong side who thought so, but better to be appreciated than not at all, right?
    “You must be cautious,” Surly Vic shared. Wow, clearly I’d moved into that “family” spot for him, too. I was lucky that way.
    “I’ll do my best. But isn’t it kind of bad for you guys to be back in town? I realize Operation Assassination went down months ago, but you’re still on everyone’s most wanted lists.”
    They both shrugged and seemed completely unfazed by my name for the big event. For all I knew, they were flattered by my naming choice. “We have work to do,” the Dingo said. “Not work you will care about, I must add.”
    “You’re sure?”
    “Positive. I would not lie to you about that.”
    “Why
not
?”
    They both chuckled. “You are . . . special,” the Dingo shared. “You have honor. And, therefore, you deserve the truth. We are not here on assignment for anyone you would care about.”
    “You’re here to off Raul.”
    “And other enemies. Of ours and yours.” Surly Vic shook his head. “We need to take this and disarm it. We have time. I believe it’s set to go off in a few hours if it’s not opened.”
    “Are you that amazingly good—and don’t for one moment think I’m insinuating that you couldn’t be, because nothing you two can do will surprise me—or is that just a really good guess?”
    Surly Vic smiled at me. I managed not to faint or let my total shock show, but it took effort. “Just a really good guess. Based on a great deal of experience.”
    “What is it, just out of morbid curiosity?”
    “Most likely a small bioweapon,” the Dingo replied. “It would explode, killing and maiming some, but it would also spread a dread disease amongst all there, and within the building.”
    “A raze the building to the ground kind of disease?”
    “Most assuredly.”
    “Um, you know, my letting the two best assassins in the world walk off with a scary bioweapon bomb is, well, not sounding like a good idea.”
    Surly Vic shrugged. “We could let you take it with you, and then, when someone who did not know how to disarm it triggered the bomb, you and your family and friends could die. Or we can remove the danger.”
    “Gosh, when you put it that way . . .”
    The Dingo came to me and patted my shoulder. “We both give you our word—this bomb will not be used against anyone. We will dismantle it and deal with its creator. In the meantime, exercise caution and open nothing remotely suspicious.” He handed me a phone. “This is the phone I used to call you. It is programmed with only one number. Use it if you need our help or even think you need our help.”
    The top international assassination team in the business had just given me their version of the Bat Phone. Didn’t know whether to be flattered or freaked out. Settled for both.
    “Thank you. I assume this is a burner phone and so is the one it will call. I won’t let anyone know.” I hoped. Jeff might already know, of course, but only if he was monitoring me. Wasn’t sure if I’d given off enough stress vibes for him to have noticed otherwise.
    “Yes. We will be in touch if necessary. Keep this and your regular phone with you at all times, even when sleeping.”
    “I will do. Hoping that this isn’t also a bomb or a trigger of some kind.”
    They both chuckled again. “You are wise to always question,” Surly Vic said. “But, as my cousin has said, we give you our word—we are here to protect you, and that phone is part of that protection.”
    Surly Vic nodded to me, Peter the Dingo Dog patted my shoulder again, and then they both took off. They were out of sight fast.
    “Thanks,” I called to no one. Well, likely no one. For all I knew, they were close by and would appreciate my being polite.
    So, I had two new fairy godfathers who were going to protect me by killing people. I’d have questioned how my life had gotten this bizarre, but I already knew—I